New set of wheels

I want to be inspired to live. To be motivated. Find focus. To find the beauty in details, sift through the grunge and pull out a positive. To hear a song that seems to have been written just for me, for where I’m at – whether it’s happy, sad, lonely, angry. To laugh, to smile, to love and to be brave. Big or small, to touch joy and the satisfaction of achievement. Even for only a moment. I want to take stock of my efforts and achievements and revel in the victories. I’m paving my way in an attempt to be joyful and at peace with my life. And here is where I document my travels – every Thursday. Come along for the ride.

I may be paid a poor wage, but the company I work for really looks after their staff in a time of personal crisis. I was touched by my boss’s thoughtfulness in approaching management to motivate the purchase of a kneeling chair for me to help minimise the pain of my sciatica while sitting and working. What a difference its made – supportive in more ways than one!


I’m stylin’with my new set of wheels



A hopeful undertone

And I will say that we should take a day to break away
From all the pain our brain has made,
The game is not played alone.
And I will say that we should take a moment and hold it,
And keep it frozen and know that
Life has a hopeful undertone

– Twenty One Pilots (Migraine)


My heartfelt thanks


Thank you everyone for reading my last 2 posts and giving me your feedback. Your comments and perspectives are much appreciated. I have no means of replying in good time because I still have no internet at home and there’s only so much blogging I can sneak through at work, especially stuff I want to be thoughtful with – like responding to your comments.

The pain from sciatica has rendered me almost immobile – its been 4 weeks now. My movements are limited to – how far do I have to drive? How far do I have to walk from the car to the shop, how long do I have to stand in the queue and, will I make it back to the car to make the drive and another short walk home? I would say its a real pain in the ass, but its more of a pain in the bum cheek…. and leg….. and calf…. and….. actually its not really funny.

Having no internet has left me loads of time to write. But its kinda rude to keep posting about myself with no reciprocation to yourselves. So, this was a very long way of saying thank you for taking the time to offer your views and personal experiences relative to my previous posts. My friends, you have been extremely helpful, encouraging and have given me pause for thought…..

For those who feel like reading more, my hypomania lasted all of about 6 hours *shrug* that’s rapid-cycling for you, I guess. And as with Bipolar II, I’m back in depression with suicidal ideation. Obviously telling you means I won’t do it. I haven’t let my doc know. Don’t see the point because I’ve run out of money and time off work. Ahhhh, the life of a bipolar. I am fucking exhausted.

Thanks for reading and I hope to be up and running as soon as sciatica allows me to.

For you

Thanks everyone for your support and encouragement. For the sound advice, the virtual hugs and the good vibes. You are my sole support and you all mean so much to me. Although we’ve never met in person, we share intimate details of ourselves to one another in good faith that it would be received with respect and good intent.

I have never felt as welcomed anywhere as I do here in the blogosphere. It’s the one place where I can let down my guard, be vulnerable and express myself without fear of prejudice or judgment. And its you, my support network and blogging friends that make that possible. I wanted you to know, you are appreciated, and without you, life would be so much more difficult.

Love y’all like crazy

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Watch out world, I’m finally divorced

For most of the morning, I was perched on a wooden bench in one of the busy corridors of the Durban High Court. I had arrived early with my lawyer, apprehensive about the first day of what was supposed to have been a 3 day trial.

Gradually this corridor filled with black-robed legal professionals with an air of purpose and haste, with large black suitcases dragged behind them on wheels. My lawyer had 3 of those fancy cases. For my case. We wanted to show our opposition we meant business! My lawyer was adamant the best outcome for me would be to settle out of court. I couldn’t have agreed more.

Eventually, the opposition arrived and negotiations began. It was spectacular to watch as the two lawyers duked it out in the halls of justice. My lawyer’s strategy of giving the appearance of having the upper hand, applying pressure by perceived threat, when to raise his voice and when to walk away, when to approach me, shake his head, nod his head, appear outraged, defiant, throw his robed arms in the air. That, combined with his art of persuasion using logic and facts, reason and empathy, well, it was like watching a beautifully choreographed dance.

At one stage I overheard my lawyer tell the other “Come on now. This is a very brave woman. Brave in a way that you will never understand. So come on, let’s be fair with her.”

And so it was, this dance of justice won me a fair settlement out of court. I’m by no means a rich bitch. But this bitch sure is happy with the outcome. The paperwork was signed, and signed again, and again, then witnessed, and initialled, and signed again. Then I had to stand in the box and repeat an oath with my right hand raised. That’s when everything became a blur, but I just had yes/no questions to answer. BANG BANG BANG went the judges gavel, and an announcement “I declare you to be divorced”

AND SO IT IS THAT I AM FINALLY DIVORCED !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yesterday was my wedding anniversary, but today, 10th September 2014, is the day of my liberation.

My long road to freedom began in 2009. I am eternally thankful to my friends who have unfailingly supported and encouraged me every single step of the way. Dr S who helped to get me fighting fit and in good shape to make the necessary tough decisions. And my lawyer, who believed in me and when I had nothing, fought to get me something (and was kind enough to only charge one third of his normal fees)


What friends are for

I’m so used to the hard knocks of life, that when something good happens, it leaves me breathless.

This week, a friend from work gave me the gift of her support and her time. She offered to come with me to court. To take some of her own personal leave, to walk beside me through the process of the trial that strikes such fear in my heart.

How do I adequately express the gratitude, the sense of relief, the acknowledgement of the sacrifice of her time. I tried to say thank you. She casually waved her hand and said “…. but this is what friends are for”.

Thank you, my beautiful, kind friend xx