motivation

More than expected

I want to be inspired to live. To be motivated. Find focus. To find the beauty in details, sift through the grunge and pull out a positive. To hear a song that seems to have been written just for me, for where I’m at – whether it’s happy, sad, lonely, angry. To laugh, to smile, to love and to be brave. Big or small, to touch joy and the satisfaction of achievement. Even for only a moment. I want to take stock of my efforts and achievements and revel in the victories. I’m paving my way in an attempt to be joyful and at peace with my life. And here is where I document my travels – every Thursday. Come along for the ride.

When I sat down to write this post, I didn’t really think I had any achievements for this week. But as I downloaded my photo’s I realised, despite the fog of pain and depression, there have been some special moments.

A great storm was brewing

A great storm was brewing

Washing was blown horizontal to the ground by the force of the wind, even blown right off and strewn around the garden.  The disordered mix of of colour and movement was thrilling.  And I was so grateful I have no outside washline.  My laundry was safely hung indoors, safe from the downpour.

Washing was blown horizontal to the ground by the force of the wind, even blown right off and strewn around the garden. The disordered mix of of colour and movement was thrilling. And I was so grateful I have no outside washline. My laundry was safely hung indoors, safe from the downpour.

And down came the rain to wash away the pain (if only).  Again, in a drought, a wonderful gift of nature

And down came the rain to wash away the pain (if only). Again, in a drought, a wonderful gift of nature

As I've mentioned, I splurged and got a small package of 'cable' TV (DSTV).  I get to watch strange shows about extraordinary people

As I’ve mentioned, I splurged and got a small package of ‘cable’ TV (DSTV). I get to watch strange shows about extraordinary people

Glorious!! Halfway through the month and only a smidge of petrol used.  Maybe I can take a drive somewhere nice after payday and take my camera along

Glorious!! Halfway through the month and only a smidge of petrol used. Maybe I can take a drive somewhere nice after payday and take my camera along

This was a real victory – I followed through on a scheduled post.  Just as I'm doing this one!

This was a real victory – I followed through on a scheduled post. Just as I’m doing this one!

 

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Music, dishes and a few days of rain

I want to be inspired to live. To be motivated. Find focus. To find the beauty in details, sift through the grunge and pull out a positive. To hear a song that seems to have been written just for me, for where I’m at – whether it’s happy, sad, lonely, angry. To laugh, to smile, to love and to be brave. Big or small, to touch joy and the satisfaction of achievement. Even for only a moment. I want to take stock of my efforts and achievements and revel in the victories. I’m paving my way in an attempt to be joyful and at peace with my life. And here is where I document my travels – every Thursday. Come along for the ride.

Sometimes its not just about medication. Sometimes I have to work, I mean really work hard at living. I really enjoyed this Nina Simone songs about butterflies, sunshine, breezes driftin’ and new beginnings. It lifted my heart up one beat.

It’s a new dawn,
it’s a new day,
it’s a new life for me
– Nina Simone

During a depression, the small everyday chores become a daily challenge. I finally washed my dishes that had been lying in the sink for several days. A great personal achievement

Dirty dishes wait patiently to be cleaned

Dirty dishes wait patiently to be cleaned

Lo and behold, I actually got round to washing those filthy things. What a triumph

Lo and behold, I actually got round to washing those filthy things. What a triumph

Although dismal, grey and dreary, rain during a countrywide drought is always welcome.

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A simple brown bag and the comforts of home

I want to be inspired to live. To be motivated. Find focus. To find the beauty in details, sift through the grunge and pull out a positive. To hear a song that seems to have been written just for me, for where I’m at – whether it’s happy, sad, lonely, angry. To laugh, to smile, to love and to be brave. Big or small, to touch joy and the satisfaction of achievement. Even for only a moment. I want to take stock of my efforts and achievements and revel in the victories. I’m paving my way in an attempt to be joyful and at peace with my life. And here is where I document my travels – every Thursday. Come along for the ride.

New medication for my sciatica. An exorbitant cost packaged it in a medium sized, pristine brown paper bag. What a treat! I’ve been using a teeny tiny bag as my anxiety/panic attack tool. It’s been huffed and puffed in so much, it almost has holes blown out the bottom. So despite the horrible cost, I did receive a treasured new paper bag to add to my arsenal of coping skills

Brand new panic attack rescue bag

Brand new panic attack rescue bag

I got DSTV (cable). Its a cheap package to suit my pocket and has all I need. Its added a dimension of familiarity and I’m slowly starting to feel like I’m at home, less alone and, more importantly, less depressed.

Finally I have something to watch at night, over weekends and just the familiarity of background noise as I bounce around from project to project.  It's company.

Finally I have something to watch at night, over weekends and just the familiarity of background noise as I bounce around from project to project. It’s company.

Nothing ends the day to day grind quite like a beautiful sunset

sunset

And let’s not forget I’VE GOT INTERNEEEEEEEET!!!

 

New set of wheels

I want to be inspired to live. To be motivated. Find focus. To find the beauty in details, sift through the grunge and pull out a positive. To hear a song that seems to have been written just for me, for where I’m at – whether it’s happy, sad, lonely, angry. To laugh, to smile, to love and to be brave. Big or small, to touch joy and the satisfaction of achievement. Even for only a moment. I want to take stock of my efforts and achievements and revel in the victories. I’m paving my way in an attempt to be joyful and at peace with my life. And here is where I document my travels – every Thursday. Come along for the ride.

I may be paid a poor wage, but the company I work for really looks after their staff in a time of personal crisis. I was touched by my boss’s thoughtfulness in approaching management to motivate the purchase of a kneeling chair for me to help minimise the pain of my sciatica while sitting and working. What a difference its made – supportive in more ways than one!

kneeling-chair

I’m stylin’with my new set of wheels

 

I fell apart, but got back up again

I’m feeling a bit better. The physical pain has gone. The pain of feeling my chest constrict, unable to take in a breath, my body going cold with each thought of him. That has disappeared. Now, it’s all about the emotional aspect. I still weep, while trying to tell myself ‘it’s not personal’. I am waging a war against feeling unwanted – the logic is there but the feeling…..? Nah, just not getting it.

Time is the only salve for this wound. That, and music. So I turn to my tried and trusted favourite of all favourites, the one song in the world that does it for me, that gets me back up on my feet over, and over, and over again, and keeps me fighting until my very last breath…….

 

Motivation, manscaping and other mysteries

I have no motivation. Perhaps I’ve forgotten where I put it.

…. I’m watching Sons of Anarchy. I’m a fan. There’s only one thing that bothers me though. Jax’s white tennis shoes. How the hell does he keep them so clean? Let’s face it, pristine white. Come on, the guy rides a motorbike, drives along dusty dirt roads and if he’s not involved in some shoot-out or bomb blast, he’s killing someone at close range. But his shoes? Never a speck of dirt or blood. Drives me insane. Wish I could keep my shoes that clean. And I’m just an office worker who’s never kill anyone. And I drive a car…….

…. lately I’ve been getting a sense of finally settling into my new life of singledom/aloneness. I can’t say I have any complaints. I get to eat what I want, sleep in ’til when I want, not shave my legs and everything’s always exactly where I left it……….

…..pretty selfish I know. And they say “it’s a man’s world”? ……..

…. Men. Hmmm. To be honest, I have thought about dating again. It would be nice to have some human interaction. But then I think to myself – ughhhh, if I get a boyfriend I’ll have to wax my whooo-haaaa because according to a documentary I watched today, 80% of males prefer ‘no hair down there’…….

… oh well, here’s my contribution to the statistics – the only percentage-of-men I prefer, are those who have a propensity for piercings and manscaping……….

.. come now motherfucker’s. No pain no gain. It is, afterall, a man’s world…..!

… gosh. I sound a bit man-angry. Maybe I shouldn’t date just yet…………………………………………..