eating disorder

Eat your vegetables

A meal between breakfast and lunch is called a brunch. But there is no name for a meal eaten between lunch and dinner. So I’ll call it an early dinner. V and I went out for a treat to restaurant that not only meets our budgeting needs, but serves the best bowl of two-veg – butternut and creamed spinach. Mom always used to say “no dessert unless you’ve eaten all your vegetables”. And I did. Well almost. A full tummy halfway through, I took home this delicious doggie bag. Plenty for proper dinner time.

There are only two ways to cook a cheap cut of meat. Slow-cook a stew or grill it and burn the bejeezzus out of it. I chose the latter. It had a bit of a dry snap to it, but generously salted it hits the spot.

 

 

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Food saved from spoiling

Its been a bad week all round with depression, mixed episodes, a fall in my kitchen and sciatica pain ruling the day for more than 2 months now. I had fruit in the fridge about to go off. I’m too poor (poor me) to let it go to waste so I made the monumental effort of chopping it up and adding cream. It was worth the effort. Then I had eggs also about to go off – apparently this happens when depressed people don’t cook the food they have in their fridge. I mustered all my efforts into chopping an onion, grating some cheese, mixing it all up with about 8 eggs, threw in some gluten-free flour and baked. Lo and behold, I did not burn this attempt at dinner. I ate off each of these meals for the entire week. Hopefully this upcoming week will be a bit kinder on my destabilised mind and body, but judging by the way I feel right now, I highly doubt it. I’m holding out hope for my doc’s appointment at the end of November to chemically put an end this year long battle against bipolar *sigh*

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A slow progression

I am bipolar and a recovering anorexic made fat by both side effects of bipolar medication, and a damaged thyroid caused by Lithium. Living single and alone, its not only a challenge to cook for one, but it’s a daily battle to eat a nutritious, balanced diet. Or even just to eat at all. I transition between starvation, comfort and binge eating. Everything to extreme, and nothing balanced. This is my weekly journal documenting my eating patterns, moods and thoughts. An attempt to keep account of my successes and failures with food.

cream cheese and crackers

cream cheese and crackers

That then progressed to putting vienna sausages into boiling water.  Its not quite cooking, but I did use boiling water.  That has to count for something, right?

That then progressed to putting vienna sausages into boiling water. Its not quite cooking, but I did use boiling water. That has to count for something, right?

Wow! I grilled meat and chopped a salad.  But what you don't see is how much of it I ate.... not much

Wow! I grilled meat and chopped a salad. But what you don’t see is how much of it I ate…. not much

Ohmygod!  I put sweet corn in the oven and baked with butter.  Never knew I had it in me.  Probably going to be feasting on this for a few nights

Ohmygod! I put sweet corn in the oven and baked with butter. Never knew I had it in me. Probably going to be feasting on this for a few nights

 

Cereal is my favourite food group

I am bipolar and a recovering anorexic made fat by both side effects of bipolar medication, and a damaged thyroid caused by Lithium. Living single and alone, its not only a challenge to cook for one, but it’s a daily battle to eat a nutritious, balanced diet. Or even just to eat at all. I transition between starvation, comfort and binge eating. Everything to extreme, and nothing balanced. This is my weekly journal documenting my eating patterns, moods and thoughts. An attempt to keep account of my successes and failures with food.

I’m gluten intolerant so for me, cereal is a hard commodity to find. Its also soooo expensive thanks to the Banting craze. Since I still haven’t broken the barrier of proper cooking, I decided to ditch the toast and treat myself to some gluten free granola. My favourite part is swirling through the milk to find the sunflower seeds and pop them between my teeth. MmmmHmmmm!

My gluten free granola with milk.  Nothing screams 'I'M SINGLE' like buying a 250ml little bottle of milk and one toilet roll

My gluten free granola with milk. Nothing screams ‘I’M SINGLE’ like buying a 250ml little bottle of milk and one toilet roll

And then I managed to step a little bit further out my comfort zone, I actually used a chopping board!  I made a fruit salad with pawpaw and bananas smothered in cream.  Hey, the banting diet says you can have full cream, so technically, I really am dieting!

And then I managed to step a little bit further out my comfort zone, I actually used a chopping board! I made a fruit salad with pawpaw and bananas smothered in cream. Hey, the banting diet says you can have full cream, so technically, I really am dieting!

 

 

Toast!

I am bipolar and a recovering anorexic made fat by both side effects of bipolar medication, and a damaged thyroid caused by Lithium. Living single and alone, its not only a challenge to cook for one, but it’s a daily battle to eat a nutritious, balanced diet. Or even just to eat at all. I transition between starvation, comfort and binge eating. Everything to extreme, and nothing balanced. This is my weekly journal documenting my eating patterns, moods and thoughts. An attempt to keep account of my successes and failures with food.

This journal is ‘ An attempt to keep account of my successes and failures with food, so I’ll be honest, since days before I moved, end of August 2016, I have not actually cooked a hot meal for myself. Everything has gotten on top of me and my eating disorder has surfaced in an internal attempt to cope with the external chaos.

So what have I actually been eating? For the first two weeks I gave myself permission to comfort eat. Let it be said, when I commit myself to comfort eating, I do it properly! Then I had to substitute a stove for a toaster when the kitchen was gutted. So I am currently compulsively fixated on toast, in much the same way as I used to be on yoghurt, then on peanuts. There’s a shop nearby that bakes gluten-free bread to order and I’ve been dining on cheese and toast for the past few weeks.

But all things considered, despite no real cooking, I’m going to chalk this up to a grand success, because at least, despite everything, I’m still eating – be it comfort, compulsive, fixated – I am eating. So while I may not have won the war, this battle has been a small victory of sorts.

toast

How to repurpose left-over chicken soup

I am bipolar and a recovering anorexic made fat by both side effects of bipolar medication, and a damaged thyroid caused by Lithium. Living single and alone, its not only a challenge to cook for one, but it’s a daily battle to eat a nutritious, balanced diet. Or even just to eat at all. I transition between starvation, comfort and binge eating. Everything to extreme, and nothing balanced. This is my weekly journal documenting my eating patterns, moods and thoughts. An attempt to keep account of my successes and failures with food.

The original chicken and veggie soup

The original chicken and veggie soup

And then the magic happens......

And then the magic happens……

Just add cream. For a different flavour, it really is that simple

Just add cream. For a different flavour, it really is that simple

 

 

 

Every inch of you is perfect

I am bipolar and a recovering anorexic made fat by both side effects of bipolar medication, and a damaged thyroid caused by Lithium. Living single and alone, its not only a challenge to cook for one, but it’s a daily battle to eat a nutritious, balanced diet. Or even just to eat at all. I transition between starvation, comfort and binge eating. Everything to extreme, and nothing balanced. This is my weekly journal documenting my eating patterns, moods and thoughts. An attempt to keep account of my successes and failures with food.

We are all perfect just the way we are, and no one sings it better than Meghan Trainor!

 

 

I’m not fat

I am bipolar and a recovering anorexic made fat by both side effects of bipolar medication, and a damaged thyroid caused by Lithium. Living single and alone, its not only a challenge to cook for one, but it’s a daily battle to eat a nutritious, balanced diet. Or even just to eat at all. I transition between starvation, comfort and binge eating. Everything to extreme, and nothing balanced. This is my weekly journal documenting my eating patterns, moods and thoughts. An attempt to keep account of my successes and failures with food.

I been away in a self-imposed emotional ICU. Depression being the culprit. I’m getting back on my feet, but my internet connection at home has died a slow death. So I’m sneaking the use of ‘work resources’ to get the Fat Anorexic Food Journal up and running again. Well, not quite running…. more like walking, or perhaps ambling along slowly (exercise does not live here).

I’m upside down and everything is inside out at home with the imminent move, so no food pics for this week. But I could totally relate to this pic with it’s sound logical thinking, and I’m sure you will too…..

fat hot