achievement

More than expected

I want to be inspired to live. To be motivated. Find focus. To find the beauty in details, sift through the grunge and pull out a positive. To hear a song that seems to have been written just for me, for where I’m at – whether it’s happy, sad, lonely, angry. To laugh, to smile, to love and to be brave. Big or small, to touch joy and the satisfaction of achievement. Even for only a moment. I want to take stock of my efforts and achievements and revel in the victories. I’m paving my way in an attempt to be joyful and at peace with my life. And here is where I document my travels – every Thursday. Come along for the ride.

When I sat down to write this post, I didn’t really think I had any achievements for this week. But as I downloaded my photo’s I realised, despite the fog of pain and depression, there have been some special moments.

A great storm was brewing

A great storm was brewing

Washing was blown horizontal to the ground by the force of the wind, even blown right off and strewn around the garden.  The disordered mix of of colour and movement was thrilling.  And I was so grateful I have no outside washline.  My laundry was safely hung indoors, safe from the downpour.

Washing was blown horizontal to the ground by the force of the wind, even blown right off and strewn around the garden. The disordered mix of of colour and movement was thrilling. And I was so grateful I have no outside washline. My laundry was safely hung indoors, safe from the downpour.

And down came the rain to wash away the pain (if only).  Again, in a drought, a wonderful gift of nature

And down came the rain to wash away the pain (if only). Again, in a drought, a wonderful gift of nature

As I've mentioned, I splurged and got a small package of 'cable' TV (DSTV).  I get to watch strange shows about extraordinary people

As I’ve mentioned, I splurged and got a small package of ‘cable’ TV (DSTV). I get to watch strange shows about extraordinary people

Glorious!! Halfway through the month and only a smidge of petrol used.  Maybe I can take a drive somewhere nice after payday and take my camera along

Glorious!! Halfway through the month and only a smidge of petrol used. Maybe I can take a drive somewhere nice after payday and take my camera along

This was a real victory – I followed through on a scheduled post.  Just as I'm doing this one!

This was a real victory – I followed through on a scheduled post. Just as I’m doing this one!

 

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Music, dishes and a few days of rain

I want to be inspired to live. To be motivated. Find focus. To find the beauty in details, sift through the grunge and pull out a positive. To hear a song that seems to have been written just for me, for where I’m at – whether it’s happy, sad, lonely, angry. To laugh, to smile, to love and to be brave. Big or small, to touch joy and the satisfaction of achievement. Even for only a moment. I want to take stock of my efforts and achievements and revel in the victories. I’m paving my way in an attempt to be joyful and at peace with my life. And here is where I document my travels – every Thursday. Come along for the ride.

Sometimes its not just about medication. Sometimes I have to work, I mean really work hard at living. I really enjoyed this Nina Simone songs about butterflies, sunshine, breezes driftin’ and new beginnings. It lifted my heart up one beat.

It’s a new dawn,
it’s a new day,
it’s a new life for me
– Nina Simone

During a depression, the small everyday chores become a daily challenge. I finally washed my dishes that had been lying in the sink for several days. A great personal achievement

Dirty dishes wait patiently to be cleaned

Dirty dishes wait patiently to be cleaned

Lo and behold, I actually got round to washing those filthy things. What a triumph

Lo and behold, I actually got round to washing those filthy things. What a triumph

Although dismal, grey and dreary, rain during a countrywide drought is always welcome.

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Smokin’ hot kitchen units

When I moved into my new place I had to gut my kitchen because of a cockroach infestation! Luckily I already had big plans for the 1930’s kitchen and before I moved in, had bought two kitchen units. In a previous post [momentum of the mundane] I was proud of myself for making the effort to paint them, despite depression’s lack of interest and energy.

Well, Vic this is for you! I’m following up on your interest to see the before and after.

kitchen server - before

kitchen server – before

kitchen-unit-after

kitchen server – after. I used a water-based wood sealant which paints a transparent white so the wood grain is still visible. I did three coats on this one because I will use this for the cooking area (when I start cooking of course)

kitchen island – after.  I did three coats on the top because I'd be handling food there as well.  But I kept a white-wash finish on the sides which shows off more of the wood grain.

kitchen island – after. I did three coats on the top because I’d be handling food there as well. But I kept a white-wash finish on the sides which shows off more of the wood grain.

I think I’ve earned it

I don’t want to speak too soon. ‘Cos you know how bipolar is. Just when life starts going good, it quickly turns bad. And you hear the echo of bipolar as it chuckles darkly over your shoulder.

So….. don’t want to speak too soon, but…… *knocks on wood* ……… I think the depression is slowly seeping away. I did a load of washing on Saturday. And then never hung it up. I just couldn’t summon the strength. It was an insurmountable task. But this evening, driven by mental bartering and inner coaxing, I actually got the job done. I’m really happy, not only because it contained all my underwear, but because I did it. Depression and achievement do not normally co-exist.

And then, sufficiently inspired, I tackled a second insurmountable task – a baked banana pudding. For dinner. Fortunately, most of the over-over-ripe banana was salvageable.

Yes, I know it’s unhealthy eating dessert for dinner. But I think I’ve earned it.