Good Guy is a goner

He lied. He drinks.

Every day as opposed to the ‘rarely’ he stated when we met. Quanity? Undertermined… because he’s a liar and I don’t believe a word he says. Why didn’t he at some point in the past 4 months tell me he drinks everyday?

I wanted to protect you

More like he wanted to protect himself. He’s selfish. He wasn’t protecting me. He wanted his cake and to eat it too. He knew drinking was a deal breaker for me. So he hid it. He kept it secret. He wanted both alcohol and me, not one or the other. So he lied. But since confronted, he has at no point said – because I love you so much, I don’t want to lose you, so I won’t drink any more. No. Instead he said….

I’m not one to force anything on anybody. So its up to you. Whether you want to just be friends. Its your choice and I’ll understand

But what he didn’t realise is he left me no choice. I will not be subject to having another man choose alcohol over me. So I took back my keys and told him to – go home and “unwind” from your hard day at work, and “chill” with a few beers. Then he threw a manipulation tantrum….

Great! I get robbed today and lose 2 cellphones and now I’ve lost my girlfriend. Thanks! Thanks a lot. What a great time to dump me

Excuse me? He made that choice. He did. He put himself in this position. He’s had four months to come clean with his little secret. And only guilty people keep secrets. He can’t have the best of both worlds. And my world does not contain alcohol. Or liars.

I love you? Horseshit. And here I was, all this time thinking, how lucky could I get – a man who boils the kettle for a cuppa after a long days grind. Turns out he can’t wait to get home to his beers. Well now he gets to spend even more time with them.

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28 comments

  1. im so sorry this has happened ! but also in relation to your other post I too still find it very hard to meet people who are guenuine and when you do your not sure if you can trust them I don’t think wel ever learn I still really struggle with boundaries too not sure if your the same but I just go all in, and I can get paranoid if I tex and they don’t tex back so I suppose im hard work and when im hyper manic I want every one else on the same page as me then when I crash I have to be alone like don’t even answer my phone and stay in my bedroom . take care sorry would have wrote on other blog but wouldn’t let me x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. We sound exactly the same! This is what’s so upsetting for me – he made an effort to understand me. The sole person in my life who has done that. And I mean the ONLY one. I was married to an alcoholic for 17 years so I have a problem with boundaries too. And co-dependency. Like you say, we go all in. Just a few weeks ago I decided to let my guard down and just trust him, believe him. And now look what’s happened. Part of me feels he was waiting for that moment to happen. Because then he’d have the power, the control. And maybe he thought he could manipulate me. I’d be too attached to leave him. Well…. SURPRISE…. I don’t think I’ll be able to trust another man again. Probably better off on my own. Thanks for your comment. Its always comfort to know one’s not alone in these heartbreaks

      Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks Migraines. Well, I’ve had enough bloody practice 😉 alcohol abuse is a consistently running theme for me. Obviously I haven’t learned everything I’m supposed to yet. But I won’t give up trying. Maybe…

      Liked by 2 people

  2. What a terrible situation. Ive been there with drug addicts. It still bloody hurts that they are so defensive of their addiction over caring for us. You made the decision for you – go you

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m coming in to this situation a little late, but from what it sounds, you did the right thing. Narcissist comes to mind. You’re better off (cliche i know) even if it doesn’t feel like it. Stick tight. You’ll be ok. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks Laura. Life goes on. I have held your first observation of him in the forefront of my mind. And I’ve referred back to the points you raised. I’ve been guarded and observant and listened to that little voice. Your wisdom helped me make this decision. A good decision. So thank you very, very much my friend ❤

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    1. Thanks Rayne. I struggled over what to do. And as you’ve previously observed, I have trust and abandonment issues. That ‘aloneness’ feeling has engulfed me again. But I can’t compromise. Not on alcohol

      (p.s. i had another rage outburst last week…. i haven’t forgotten your insights)

      Liked by 2 people

      1. No, not yet. I got the dates muddled. I thought I seen him beginning of May but its only 8 June. I’m dying to see what he has to say. I’ve been doing a lot of research on BPD and have to say I’m relating to the symptoms. But as you said, they’re so similar to bipolar. I’ll let you know what he says ❤

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Oh no! Not again! Sorry to hear this lovely! It is so hard to break the pattern..I remember also meeting someone who told me he didn’t drink at all and I found it very odd at the time. We went out for a couple of coffees and then when I wasn’t sure anymore whether I liked him and let him down gently, he got all nasty saying he was drunk and that it was my fault he started drinking again after 4 months sober!!
    Have a break for now but don’t lose hope!Hugs xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. lol…. I have to laugh… yes, ‘not again’. That has been the disturbing part of this process. Its happened AAAAAGAIN! But I’m not going to let him destroy me. Not like Lover from last year. I’m taking what I can from this lesson and moving forward. Thanks for the hugs 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

  5. Pieces, I am so sorry to hear this. I know I’ve been missing in action for a bit and I’m super late on this. But, I’m glad that you made the decision that is best for you and not what would make someone else happy. But, I am sorry. He sounded so great which makes it hard, but you can’t have lies and drinking in your life. ❤ ❤ ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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