What’s real and what’s illness is a difficult business

Last night, out of the blue, thoughts broke free like a horse nearing home. Couldn’t relax. Couldn’t sit back. I began to decorate. Re-organize. Moving this and then that. Then putting it back. This there and that here but it didn’t fit so I tipped the house upside down to find peace in my cracked and mismatched home. Unpacking cupboards and swapping and switching. Stuff. Old curtains out and new curtains in. Swop them around all over again. Change the walls a new colour. Mind ticking over. Big plans. There were ladders and fabric, old clothes for charity, broken pots now layered in dust, old pillows abused covered and back on the bed to be used. My place looks like its been hit by a storm. A hypomania storm? I’m confused, lost my step and my sleep, can’t figure these things out anymore, can’t keep score. What’s real and what’s illness is a difficult business. No trigger. Just suddenly couldn’t keep still. My mind and my body are definitely ill.

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9 comments

    1. Wow! What a relief its not just me. I mean, turning the house upside down in the quest for objects, senses, tones, sounds… to fit, to be right. It feels like true madness. Now I know I’m not the only one. It felt like I was having some sort of breakdown 😉 I’m beginning to stabilise, just feel utterly exhausted. So happy you’re back ❤ Remember… your own pace, your own comfort level

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It’s always such a relief when we realize that we’re not alone isn’t it? It’s so amazing how a simple “me, too” makes a difference. And thanks…I’ve got so much on my plate right now, but it is so very therapeutic for me to be here as well. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      2. It is good to be here. Like you, I’m juggling and stumbling along myself. It gets to become a bit overwhelming sometimes and I question whether I should continue blogging. But as you say… it is therapeutic

        Liked by 1 person

  1. I always struggle to know what is normal vs illness. I also struggle to know what is a normal stressed response and what is an unwell response. It is most often pointed out to me before I realise. Relate to this a lot. Thanks for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

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