The Good Guy

I have a interpersonal relationship dilemma. How’s that for depersonalization. I met a guy (yay). A good guy (incredulous). The problem? Um, he’s a good guy and I don’t know how to deal with this. My life programming has been all like – Calling all narcissists. All narcissists, abusers, addicts, assholes, welcome, all aboard, I’m waiting in anticipation for you to break me….. But him? Good? Nuh uh. Dunno. I’m more comfortable with the adrenaline-pulsed, failure-fueled survival of co-dependency.

It seems now that I have boundaries, roles have been reversed. He is eager to please me – respecting my need for solitude, accommodating my mood swings, my sleep routine, overstimulation, the various physical ailments and embarrassments that come with new medications, the subsequent loss of sex drive. Sex drive. Ha. Once abundant, now the mere thought of it makes me wish I had narcolepsy. He actively seeks to learn about bipolar in a genuine attempt to understand. And get this… he’s even started his own blog so that we can blog together. Talk about romance. But, but, this is all wrong. Where are my threats, ultimatums, arguments. My role has been usurped and I don’t know how this works.

I second guess everything. Constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. Surely this is too good to be true? Is he manipulating me? Is he lying? Is he telling me what he thinks I want to hear? Why did he do that? Why did he say that? I over analyze ev.er.y.th.ing. And by the time I’ve pick through all scenarios? I’m horrendously suspicious and enormously exhausted. But if I’m to be honest? He really is just a Good Guy.

I would say I don’t deserve him. None of this is his normal. I feel so guilty because he accommodates my every quirk without complaint. I instinctively push him away, but he always pushes back. Ever reassuring, encouraging. Never gives up. Isn’t this what I’ve dreamed of all my life? Yet in my head I’m constantly breaking up with him, when in reality I don’t want to lose him. The irony is he almost qualified as a psychologist until a near fatal accident changed his life. So you could say I’m putting his education to the test. I’m the best case study he’ll ever encounter!

So here’s to the Good Guy. Long may it last.

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20 comments

  1. Just a thought, based on my own life experience: If it seems too good to be true, proceed with caution. Sorry to be this way. Learned by devastating experience that children of dysfunctional families somehow attract Trojan horses that look just like nice people. Why is this? My therapist tells me over and over and over that it’s because we have never really known an actual nice person, so when yet another predator shows up dressed in nice person’s clothing, we get all excited.

    Thing is, she says, real nice people don’t put their lives on hold in order to dedicate themselves to learning about our health conditions. Only people who are interested in establishing control do things like that. Real nice people go on with their own lives while getting to know us over a period of months and years.

    That’s what she says, anyway.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. This is exactly the view I have. I had an extremely damaging experience this time last year. He was as Trojan Horse. It was nearly the end of me (see posts about The Lover) That’s why I’m so overly cautious this time round. It is going on 3 months now and I’m just taking it all very, very slowly. Once bitten, twice shy. I question, question, question.

      Like

  2. Maybe the word is ‘trust’ here and if one has been betrayed in the past it’s a difficult feeling to overcome. Also, ‘caution’ perhaps because we don’t want to relive what has happened in the past?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. First of all Pieces, don’t listen to your bipolar brain. There’s too much activity up there to get a good reading. Ride the wave while it is there. Don’t be in a rush to find fault. Your first responsibility is to LIVE. So keep going out with him. Keep letting him into your world. Savor every drop. Live every moment as if it were your last. And if it is your last, make it the best last day of your life. Leave your mark by being the best lover this world has ever known. Love his encouragement. Love his eyes. Love his understanding and reaching out. Never give him a reason to believe you are hesitant. Go all the way. Be reckless. Be wild.

    And if it turns out that he was not what you hoped he was. If he turns out to be “too good to be true” – you didn’t lose anyting by being the most wonderful lover of life that this world has ever known.

    LIVE

    Liked by 1 person

    1. What a beautifully inspiring comment, Eric. Thank you. ‘The Bipolar Brain’ – I’d never thought of it that way. I’m trying to give him a chance, we’ve been learning about one another for 3 months now. I had a devastating experience last year. It almost killed me. Now I’m overly cautious, indecisive and suspicious. Questioning everything. Finding false motive. But you’re right. I should LIVE. He almost died in his 20’s. Was in a coma for 1 month and had to learn how to walk, sit, eat and talk. His rehab took years. He is all about belief and positivity and being a fighter. Never giving up. I admire him. Respect him. I’m also scared….. because what if…… what if I’m wrong and he’s a ‘bad’ guy. I’ve made so many mistakes before. Goodness I was married to an abuser and alcoholic for nearly 20 years. How do I trust my own judgement, I guess is the question….

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I find that we cannot trust our own judgement. Not all the time anyway. So, instead, I live as if….as if there is a rainbow at the end of a pot of gold. I live backwards. I expect the best but realize that it can’t all be what I want it to be. If my goal is to climb the mountain I can’t focus on the valley, I must focus on the single step ahead of me. Every now and again I look up to see if I am still on my path. That’s all I can do. I can’t worry about the things I can’t control. I can’t worry about the things I can’t control. I say it twise because it is important. Focus on your growth. Focus on your passion. Not on things you can’t control.

        You’ll be fine. I am praying for your relationship with this guy. I hope he is the real deal. You deserve the good things in life.

        Love
        and
        Peace

        Eric

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I’m lost for words. I love everything about your perspective. From not trusting my bipolar judgment to how to climb the mountain. I do believe you’re right…. I am going to be fine. Everything will be fine. I’m going to believe. In the pot of gold. In myself. And in the angels that take care of me. Much love to you, Eric

        Liked by 1 person

  4. It’s okay to feel the way you are. You’ve been burned so many times before, so it’s normal to feel like it’s too good to be true. Take it slow, and allow yourself to try to enjoy it and trust him.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. I think you should just relax and take life as it comes. We’re our own worst enemies you know! If he auto-changes into a crazy narc then at least you’ll know how to deal with him and if not? Enjoy the ride 🙂

    Great test for Narc’s – has he ever given you something personal about him that could be potential ammunition for you after a break up? If he has then he’s definitely not a Narc.:) Enjoy it!

    To be honest I’ve never known a Narc to take interest in someone like you say – usually when they focus on you it’s a very selfish thing. Spending time learning about you isn’t selfish imo 🙂

    Like

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