The Hospital Chronicles – Part 3

I am suicidal but I don’t want to die. Quite the opposite. I want to live a full and productive life. So I was admitted into a psychiatric hospital for a week. I’ve had my medication adjusted, an addition to my diagnosis and received some invaluable therapy. This is a documentation of all that I learned

Permission to mingle

Okay, so I have ‘permission’ to mingle in the dating pool without that horrible label of being ‘needy’. But how to do it without getting my heart broken each time? I become quickly and intensely attached to people which always ends in heartbreak.

3-_permission-to-mingle

Here’s what the doc had to say:

Just because you date someone doesn’t mean you have to have a relationship with them.

If you meeting someone and you have chemistry and all the right stuff and you date and get married and live happily ever after, well then good for you. But that need not be the approach or end game. You can date for fun, for companionship, just for sex, a one night stand, be friends with benefits or all of the above. You can date but still keep a distance and don’t engage your heart.

My doc’s awesome analogy:

Say you go on vacation to Mauritius. You meet a local man with a gorgeous, sexy french accent. You spend time together, there’s chemistry, you laugh, have fun and have sex because you are intoxicated by the adventure . But all holidays come to an end. Its sad to part, but you knew it was going to be short-lived so you stayed in the moment with no emotional investment. There was no pressure of a potential future together. It was simply a fun holiday romance. Perhaps you do maintain contact and develop genuine feelings over the course of time. And perhaps you end up together for that happy ever after. Or maybe not.

My doc said to me:

Go out there and have some fun. Be safe. No serious stuff. If that happens to evolve over time then great. But let that not be your goal. Eat, drink, be merry, have a one night stand if you want to. Above all, keep your heart to yourself and don’t invest emotionally. Think of your French Lover and laissez faire. It doesn’t have to be long term. It can simply be for enjoyment and you can be the one in control, doing it on your own terms. This new perspective makes me feel like an independent woman. I just need to figure out what ‘my own terms’ are.

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6 comments

  1. That is some cool advice. Take control. That’s the hard part. You have to first control your own definitions of things, your own perspectives. Then you have to act like nothing matters, like it’s all just a game. It sounds good on the surface, but it’s not as easy as people make it out to be.

    If you are a co-dependant, then everything about every relationship is over-the-top important to you.

    Maybe you could practice on something safe for a time or two. Like maybe a stuffed animal. Maybe you could rehearse in the mirror. It works for Presidents and Celebrities, it can work for you.

    For me there is no game. Only life….a love so grand.

    Just keep trying until…….you get the results you want, not the results you desire. Desire gets lost in emotion. Want is always ever a logical, sensible trait.

    Happy Hunting

    Liked by 1 person

    1. ‘If you are a co-dependant, then everything about every relationship is over-the-top important to you’ that’s a perfect description of my relationships! Love how you put it. Desire vs Want – great insight. Thanks Eric. No advice is every lost on me. Thank you all the time it took to read and respond 🙂 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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