I admit I have to be hospitalized

I’ve admitted myself into hospital after two weeks of insomnia and chasing my tail in mixed episodes. Loud and laughing then switching to tears. I swear to god if I have to cry one more time…. if I have to have one more sleepless night….. if I have to become fixated on Mr Google’s access to information one more time….. I’m gonna go nuts!

So here I am, back where I was last year. This time without visits from Lover… bittersweet…. but a good thing because he’s a big part of the reason why I’m back. I’ve seen my doc and he’s added to and increased my meds. Our goal is to knock me out. He’s also treating my sciatica pain. Having no sleep means my body hasn’t been resting and recuperating from the day and my pain is beyond screaming at this point. I can barely put weight on my right foot.

A big part of me doesn’t want to go to sleep even though I’m tired. My brain is moving so fast, so many things I want to do. My energy feels endless. I feel electrified. Alive. But I switch, so quickly, and I’m heartbroken and desolate. So I know I need to press the reset button to stop this cycle; to get any quality of life moving forward into the new year. At least here I know, I will have no choice but to be sleeping peacefully.



  1. Sorry you’re going through this. You’re handling it better than I would. I’ve been re-thinking ECT (shock therapy) for a few months now myself. At least we are able to recognize when we need extra help (sounds like a homework assignment) Take care of yourself!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Hi Friend

      A couple of thoughts,

      Create daily schedule, Your Racing Mind may slow down some unstable behavior. Racing Thoughts. You are riding between depression and Mania, Your doctor doesn’t’ have you stable. If you can’t meet close in the Schedule, you out down, not sleeping can cause other alinements. learning to sleep, you have a plan so your mind is expecting the task. In order to achieve normal sleep, may require changes to your habits. Working hard at getting out of my way, shut off TV, all electronics including phone. I know a person who made many changes and started to feel better. Crap shoot knowing if you will see the changes.

      Sounds like you might be Rapid Cycling, a terrible place to get stuck. I’m Blessed with Doctors and excellent Psychiatric Hospital. To date I’ve known when The Black Dog is dragging to the bottom. I call my Psychiatrist, He gives the Hospital notice about me. I’ve stayed short and long term. How long I stay is driven by the number of Treatments on the schedule.

      My mind was Paralyzed with constant thoughts of Suicide, Psychotic behavior. ECT is the only treatment that sends me back to earth. We phone the Doctor if I am Suicidal, Psychotic or Catatonic, A sure signal to call your doctor ago to hospital; I’ve been blessed by two of the best in Texas. I’ve been a patient of both, For 20 years. I’ve see a Psycho Pharmacologist and my Therapist

      ***** (ECT) Electro Convulsive Treatment***********I know people with questions about ECT. *Read about who needs ECT Treatments* Read for yourself, no taking an explanation for a friend of a friend who lives up the street. I would start by looking at FDA.Gov. RX listThe highest expert on USA medications. of drug the FDA monitors everything about ask companies for changes in they are one expert on Prescriptions. Another division handles Medical Devices.

      In my Archives are at least tow post on ECT.

      Sorry for the words you can’t read, it’s a rough day.

      I write longer Replies for in depth info on the subject. (ECT)
      ECT Treatments may get closure to answer, one of the easiest decisions for me. I was in Hell and I had to get out. After you have supported research, look at if you’;; jump outside of your comfort level.good decision, God will lead you to the right answer.


      Liked by 2 people

      1. Hey M! Thank you for such a detailed reply filled with solid information. I know what an effort it can be for you some days, so I’m really grateful. My doc knows I’m unstable. He’s added another med to my mix and increase the lamotragine. The problem with that is its a slow increase over a long period with no immediate results. I had asked for ECT two weeks ago, but because I have sciatica I’m not able to have it done because of the nerve and muscle reactions. Believe me, I would LOVE to do the ECT. He’s also treating my pain level from sciatica. Tonight I start with morphine (ugh don’t want to) and then he’ll get a physio for me. So keep fingers crossed. I do have a bedtime routine because I have problems with insomnia, but when I get in that electrified mind race, I just can’t stop. Dealing with this new addition of ailments – chronic pain – has also been difficult. Thanks for all the advice. You’ve some valid points to help toward a more stable life. Keep on keeping well my friend ❤


      2. I’ve had ECT but thank you for the info. I’m also an Atheist but thank you. I was also diagnosed after having bipolar for over 20 years that went untreated or I was given medication for the wrong diagnosis making Bipolar worse. My alcoholism of over 20 years didn’t help either. The FDA does NOT monitor Generics like they have to with name brands. Even with name brands companies still manage to use gluten as a binder and not list it. I have Doctors that have tested me from Boston, New York, Rhode Island, and New Jersey. Everyone agrees with my being medication resistant due to having Celiac Disease and Kidney Failure. I also have a rare genetic condition Vitamin D Resistant Rickets which causes many problems. Thank you for your help though.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. darie73 A comment in her reply may be wrong. S.Africa is different, certainly possible. I’ll speak for the USA. All drugs are monitored by FDA, including Generics. Another dept. monitor’s a Medical Devices. What the FDA doesn’t approved OTC drugs, the cough medicine you give your child is not monitored. The FDA gets involved is if a overwhelming number of complaints, they take a look at what ingredients are stating. I’ve heard of diet drugs having ingredients not mentioned on the Label, Some ingredients listed could have serious side effects.

    Liked by 1 person

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