You know, I just don’t know what the point is anymore. Fight against life, fight against bipolar. Now fight against the pain of sciatica. Its total lunacy. I cannot, just cannot sit for another fucking minute here at work. AND I’ve just discovered my suspicions are true. The Lyica pain med I take for sciatica is causing water retention. My fucking back hurts, my leg, my feet hurt and my hands. Everything is fucking swollen. NOTHING is ending! Its just a massive adding on to what I already have. I just can’t do this anymore. I don’t want to it. If THIS is the fucking quality of life that I have had handed to me, I don’t want it. And don’t anybody tell me to look on the bright side, or others are worse than me, or have you tried this or have you tried that. Fuck off because I have. Idon’t care. IIIIIII hurt. MEEEE. I hurt and nothing I do remedies the situation. Not with sciatica or with bipolar. If my hair wasn’t falling out already I would pull the fucking stuff out. And I can’t do anything, anything, go to the doc or get any other medication because I HAVE NO FUCKING MONEY. I’m so tired. So tired you have no idea. I have been sitting here crying invisibly and do you know not one, not one person has come to me to say, are you ok. They all think I”m a drama queen. I hate it. Everything. I don’t want to anymore. And don’t tell me not to because if I really did intend to I wouldn’t talk about it. Just be kind to me. The pain is fucking with my mind. I just can’t anymore. All I do is fucking cry, day and night. I am so sick of being me.