I want to feel good

It’s now my 5th week battling sciatica. It has proven to be debilitating, narrowing my access to the real world and destabilising my already unstable mental health. So my body and mind are not very happy places to be in right now.

Pain (any pain–emotional, physical, mental) has a message. The information it has about our life can be remarkably specific, but it usually falls into one of two categories: “We would be more alive if we did more of this,” and, “Life would be more lovely if we did less of that.” Once we get the pain’s message, and follow its advice, the pain goes away

– Peter McWilliams

I’ve always believed in the tie between the physical and the emotional. So I searched for the metaphysical meaning of sciatica:

Lower Back; The Lower Back represents support; financial support, emotional support of family and friends, and support of God or the Universe. The Kidneys are located in this area and Kidney dysfunction results in Fear/Fright/Phobias. A sore lower back may indicate that we have taken on more than we think we can handle. This is a dysfunction, only if it is not the Truth. If we have indeed taken on too much, that would be indicated by a physical trauma to the back and all we need to do is lighten the load [source

These past 12 months have been traumatic for this bipolar who feels everything so intensely. I need to lighten my load, my expectations and demands on myself. I need to stop, relax, let go, and learn to trust that I will always be safe and everything will be okay. I want to become unshackled from the past to make way for a better future. I have no plan except to gently roll with the punches. I suppose I’m going to let life happen, instead of always reacting and trying to control it. That’s the intent anyway.

In the words of our beloved Ulla – Healing is a long term investment in feeling good

I want to feel good! And when I feel weighed down by Life’s challenges, I’m going to let Mr Buble remind me – its a full world and I feel goooooood.

Its a new dawn
its a new day
its a new life
for me
and I’m feelin’ good
– Michael Buble




  1. Thankfully my lower back pain only means I grew up with bones that are mismatched from left to right, and if there’s any hidden meaning it may be that I just need to be a little less twisted. The chiropractor, or more affordably my resident kid-o-practor, whichever, gives my hip a clockwise (or, from the left toward the right) gentle but forceful rotation and push until that thing clicks back into place. I guess it means I lean toward the twisted. Is that a bad thing? I hope your pain eases off and lets you go.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. IS THAT why I think you’re so cool!? I only knew one good back specialist and that was 800 miles and 10 years ago. I want you to feel good too. ❤ My kid-o-practor and Mrs M sat on me and pushed at me (respectively, so now can they switch ? :'D) last weekend and rotated my hip the right way to alleviate the pain. I feel that vertebra clicking and looking for a new place today, we'll see which way it goes this weekend.

        Whatever happens I hope you find yourself clicking toward less and less pain, in all the ways I know you experience it.

        I've got AC/DC channel on Pandora right now, cleaning my house. I took the day off, to catch up with things.

        Prayers & Blessings,

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Ugh I’m so sorry that you are still suffering!!! When I read the description you gave for the metaphysical causes I immediately touched onto your father pulling you into that hideous scene with the landlord. Hope Dad is acting more respectably to you

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Leslie. My father phoned a couple weeks ago. First contact between us. I just answered his questions really. It was awkward and there were reeeeeally looooong silences. My knee-jerk reaction was to fill that silence with jokes or whatever in order to make things more comfortable for him. But then I remembered about codependency. And I realised I didn’t need to make it more comfortable for HIM. I put myself first and let the silences stretch. That’s the only contact we’ve had. When I look back on it I realise he sounded nervous (perhaps because I’d ‘traumatised’ him *eye roll*) OR perhaps because he felt guilty?? Either way, its not my problem. I have enough on my plate without worrying what he thinks of me =D ❤


      1. Good for you!!! I don’t know if I could have handled things that well. I’m impressed. Whether he was nervous or guilty, that is what HE has to deal with, you are absolutely right!

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I too believe in the connection of the mental and physical. I wish we didn’t separate the two. It’s part of why we have the stigma we have now.

    I’m sorry about the horrible pain your feeling (on both fronts) but it sounds like you have good plans of actions.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Feeling Good is a great song for inspiration and energy, but I think Nina Simone and George Michael do it better than Michael Buble. Just in case you want to check out those versions. 🙂

    I’m new to suffering from sciatica. Talk about a pain in the butt. I was never sure if my left leg would support me, the pain was so strong. But, I’m happy to say that it was just on episode. Temporary. The only thing I did to treat it was some extra stretching and giving it time to rest. Seems like most of the stuff I’ve read about sciatica says that it’s episodic, so the good news is that the pain isn’t constant. Maybe that’s not the best news, but it’s not the worst.

    It also seems like posture is an important aspect of keeping the sciatica in the background. Since my head feels like it weighs a ton, I’m constantly having to take a deep breath and straighten out my back as I sit. So, maybe try to pay more attention to your posture and do some stretching.

    And always remember that control is an illusion. There, free medical advice for you from an internet doctor. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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