Tell the ones who cared enough
That I finally left this place, that’s been so cold
Look at my face, all the stories it will tell I can’t erase……
…..So this is it, I say goodbye
To this chapter of my ever-changing life
And there’s mistakes, the path was long
– Staind – Something to Remind You
One chapter is closing and another is about to begin. Nine months ago, Lover and I moved into this space together. God only knows what his intentions were, but my heart was beating with love, hope and the expectation of belonging together forever. Naïve? Absolutely.
I’ve learned some hard lessons. Blood, sweat and tears. Many, many tears. A lust for suicide, several changes in medication, lessons in boundaries. And then a few more lessons in boundaries…. and a few more ‘cos I never seem to learn the first time round. An understanding of codependency and how they link into dysfunctional relationships – research and knowledge digested and tested. All these lessons have been painful. But along this journey, I was also introduced to the practice of self-care. A unique concept that has evolved into a personal priority. And then there’s the big life event – the purchase of my very own home, that is mine and mine alone.
What a long way I’ve travelled in such a short space of time. Earlier this year when I was suicidal, I made a decision to give living another go. To try one more time…. again. So I resolved to make a hard lesson a lesson learnt. To educate myself and embrace growth and change. With the intent to make better choices so I can live a healthy, simpler life. I want no wasted regrets. I want everything I experience to count, to be productive, to have a purpose. Otherwise what’s the point? I don’t want to live in misery making the same mistakes over again.
So right now, in this moment, I’m all about living, learning, letting go and moving on to better things. And as I say farewell to this space, I free myself from the ghosts who haunt me. Its time to make happy memories.
As ever, my life lives and breathes with music. Nothing conveys moving out and moving on better than Staind’s ‘Something to Remind You’