As my encounter with The Narcissist was imploding, Life threw me to the wolves. An old boyfriend from 3 years ago contacted me with obvious ulterior motives.
His ability to spin the truth in his favour is astounding. He brings new meaning to ‘bullshit baffles brains’. He’s an adept liar, with self entitlement and arrogance bourne of wealth. I broke up with him in 2013 after a 7 month relationship see-sawing between breakup(me) and make up(him) process. Unbeknownst to me I was desperately unstable at the time. He confused me, nothing was simple, and everything was exclusively on his terms. But despite doing the breaking up, as is evident with all my relationships, it took me a very long time to get over him.
A few weeks ago, out of the blue, he reconnected via email. His intentions were pretty clear, so I stopped him in his tracks offering only friendship. The texting and chatting on the phone has been nice. As a loner and recluse I don’t experience that much. But since our interaction, I’ve caught him out in numerous lies. I’ve grown in the past 3 years, I know what to be aware of, so I’ve cut off all contact with him.
I don’t like him. I don’t want him. And I’m so, so, very angry with him for disrupting my contented solitude. I was happy. Now I’m sad and drifting, feeling alone in the world again, convinced I’ll never be anyone’s partner, never be loved, never be touched. Now I have to run the gauntlet of becoming comfortable with me being alone again. Yet again.
I’ve given up
I’m sick of feeling
Is there nothing you can say
Take this all away I’m suffocating
Tell me what the fuck is wrong with me
– Linkin Park – Giving up
If I have to drag a life lesson out of this incident the moral of the story would be – if you don’t trust someone’s intentions, go with your goddamned gut. And if you don’t want to be involved, for godsake don’t be polite, just initiate no contact immediately. Because once you let them in, and interaction becomes familiar, the disconnect only hurts you. The result… I’m in a give-up, couldn’t-give-a-fuck type of mood. Will my life ever be normal?