This is my last post regarding The Narcissist. After this he gets no more of my time. All thanks to him actually, the things he said. He upped the ante on his cruelty and it flipped a switch inside my head. It was as if the shock of his brutality sent an electric current through my brain and jolted it back to reason. It was the strangest feeling, and I thought – why on earth am I engaging with such a foul little creature. That craving to be heard just *poof* disappeared. And thanks to the advice and support of fellow bloggers, my perspective changed.
So I took the gap and made the decision to let go. To banish him from my thoughts. Its not easy, my mood has levitated from relief and freedom to a predominant anxiety. As a people-pleaser, it is a distinctly uncomfortable feeling knowing he is displeased and enraged with me. The anxiety is anticipatory. I’m expecting some sort of horrible retaliation.
I’ve also decided it was never really about him. It is instead about me – further insight into my codependency and my crash course in boundaries. This incident has broken a few pieces of me, but there is always collateral damage in a learning curve. And time is always the best medicine. Good news is, my progress speaks for itself:
1st alcoholic – my ex-husband – 17 years
2nd alcoholic – Lover – 4 months
3rd alcoholic – The Narcissist – 6 weeks
So tomorrow is a new day and I will carry on regardless. I’m trying to focus on the bigger picture – how cruelty can blossom into something as beautiful as freedom.