Blustering bullshit

Yes. I’m full of shit. I’m referring to my most recent almost-but-not-quite brush with romance. I’m all like “I’m not broken” and “I’m relieved its over”. But truthfully, I’m not okay. I talk the talk but I don’t really walk the walk. I try to convice myself I’m okay, but I’m not. I will be. But just not right now.

Sooooo, yesterday I entertained the idea of a pity party. I even bought chocolate. Lots of it. But thanks to fellow bloggers encouragement, I’ve said to myself:

Myself, it’s gonna be tough, but no guts no glory, whatever the growing pain *sigh*

Sometimes, in the midst of struggle, for pure survival sake you have to take cover. You have to crawl into a foxhole and wait for the dust to settle. Such is life. And that’s what I plan to do. I haven’t given up. I’m just taking refuge for a while.

I’ve taken a few knocks
that have made me see spots
but I’ll try to get back to this place [here]
determined to finish the race
with grace and at an even pace
for my own state of mind
I won’t fall behind
this is my time now
I won’t throw in the towel

under construction

 

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5 comments

  1. There is nothing wrong with knowing your limits and shielding yourself from the pain. Sometimes we need to step back and hold the fort. I’ll be here for you whenever you get out of the foxhole. You’re brave and strong and I admire you for those rare qualities.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. My dear Pieces… It’s damn ok to know your limits like Jess said. And its damn ok to let yourself recover from any pain, no matter how short lived it is.

    When Florida and I stopped talking the first time, I was DEVASTATED. I was beyond heart broken. And i allowed myself 8 hours to wallow in that horrible place (and without chocolate!) and then I said FUCKTHISSHIT! I wrote him a letter and I burned it and cried my soul out. I still remember it and I still feel that pain memory. And that’s ok.

    You are a STRONG AND BEAUTIFUL soul and hunkering down in the foxhole or taking refuge in Fort Blankie is perfectly fine. You do what YOU need to do. And you’ll fight another day {Hugs}

    Liked by 2 people

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