I won’t be broken

….and without you I can finally see

He contacted me this morning.   I felt the burning anger from last night and was able to immediately delete his message without even reading it. That is my strategy. No more dysfunction.

….And I am finally free

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16 comments

  1. I once saw a therapist who told me to make signs that say “Let Go!” and hang them all over the walls of my apartment. That was many years ago, and I’m happy to say that I’ve made some progress in the direction of letting things go. But I continue to struggle with letting go of anger…

    I find that comedy can be a successful treatment for anger. After all, it’s hard to laugh and be angry at the same time. And when you can laugh about things that have hurt you, then you’ll be ready to move on.

    Here’s to letting go and moving on. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks painkills ❤ I say I'm ok, but I'm not. Not really. He was vile and despicable and I can't believe I let him into my life. I try and try, always, to do the right thing, think the right way, learn and do better, but in the end I keep making poor choices. I've lost faith in my ability to be in a healthy relationship. And it kills me to think I'll be alone for the rest of my life. One of these days I'll be able to laugh about it all, I'm sure. But just not today. Thank you for your kindness…. and here's to letting go and moving on xx

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Recognizing that you make poor choices with relationships is half the battle. Now, if you had been given the choice to be alone or to be in this relationship, which would you have chosen? Were the best parts better than the worst parts? Was the learning experience worth the pain?

        It sucks that most learning experiences are only gained through pain, but that’s the truth. I think I’d rather suffer the pain than choose ignorance. And most people need to learn a lesson more than once for it to really sink in.

        Maybe when you learn to provide yourself with the things you need, you won’t have to depend on others for your happiness. That’s a hard lesson for women to learn, especially since we’re into nurturing and stability — dependence is almost a part of our DNA. It’s like we need others to need us, if that makes sense.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. You make loads of sense. And I’m the type of person who has to run into a brick wall more than once to learn the damn lesson. You’re right, I would rather be alone than to continue the relationship and the learning experience, however painful, is worth it. I have to face facts that I’m codependent and have to heal that part of myself. But that can wait until tomorrow. Today I’m burying my head in chocolate….! Thanks for your comments and perspective – all very true and appreciated xx

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey Blah ❤ But is it really freedom? Or am I forever shackled to dysfunction, condemned to a life alone? I say the right words but I don't feel them. I try to convince myself that I'm ok, but I feel defeated. By everything

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  2. Hey lady, you are already making huge progress if you are deleting messages without even reading them..! Go you! I should be doing the same at the moment with my narc father attempting contact again, a year after the silent treatment from him..I have sworn to never pick up the phone or reply to his msgs…but i still listen to his msgs..
    I would say, give other men a chance..men that you wouldn’t normally go for…safe, boring, predictable and caring men..it will feel unnatural at the beginning and almost scary..but you have to stick with it..You have to find them attractive obviously, but go on many dates…become friends first..take it slow..(keep an eye out for red flags, in case there are any)..it is possible! I am living proof!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you…. your message means a lot. Dealing with your father is way more difficult than my little relationship. So you’re also doing really well ❤ My head is swirling. The way I understood the world has fundamentally been changed by these experiences and my role in them. Right now I want to hide away like a dog licking its wounds. I hope to make better choices. Keep your fingers crossed x

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I hate your experience, but I love the way you share so openly because I have dated that man. (Not the literal same guy, obviously, but the narcissistic take-what-you-can-and-give-nothing-back life ruiner type of guy). You KNOW how awful he is, and yet this little yet loud part of your heart screams about the way he used to look at you and the wonderful things he used to say, and it’s hard to totally let him go. Even though he totally deserves it. That’s if you’re like me, anyway. Here’s to letting go and not allowing the past to infect our futures.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s exactly how it is. He’s vile and disturbed and cruel and I shouldn’t ever, ever, ever want someone like that in my life. But….. like you say, there’s that voice and I’m drawn to that chaos. I know it stems from childhood but knowing that doesn’t help fixing the problem. I feel a little bit lost right now, but as you said, I’m on the right road. And I love that word “infect”. Its a beautiful way to say it. So, here’s to letting go, let’s hope I have a soft landing 😉 Thank you for your empathy and guidance

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