How many narcissists does it take to change a lightbulb?

In the past 9 months, I have been in a relationship, in close succession, with two narcissists (narcissistic personality disorder) who were also alcoholics. So as not to repeat this behaviour (pleeeease “let the odds be ever in my favour”) I have been reading and listening to everything I can to educate myself about narcissism/alcoholism and codependency.

What I’ve discovered is, in a relationship between two people, one of whom is a narcissist, there is only room for one self. And the narcissist claims that for his false self. The partner doesn’t exist. They are an object. They are merely a source to feed the narcissist’s false self. Their only worth lies in reflecting the narcissist’s false self.

I’ve also learned that codependency is a ‘love addiction’. As an addiction, there are physical withdrawal symptoms/cravings when a codependent cuts off from a narcissist. No matter how badly they were treated, a codependent yearns for the validation of the narcissist – even though they never get it. The past two and a half weeks (yes, its exact, I’ve been counting) since the end of my relationship (such as it was) with The Narcissist, I have found these physical cravings to be in contact with him irresistable. I’ve maintained no contact since the breakup, but today I caved in. I had an urgent need to have a voice and to be heard.

As I anticipated, it didn’t go very well. He was cruel, self-righteous and arrogant (or should that be ignorant). He twisted my words, my illness and disgustingly, even the fact that I was once raped, and used it all against me. It cut to the bone. He didn’t hear me. And…. it was then that I realised….. he is not engineered to hear me. I’m not a person, not a human being. I am an object.  No one can hear an object.

In our breakup, he condemned me to a life alone. But I think the opposite is true. When there is only room for one person in a relationship – his false self – both participants are alone. It is not I that is condemned. He has damned himself. I haven’t replied. My chest is burning with anger and my heart is racing. I want to remember how this feels. I must remember, so that I DO NOT contact him or engage him in any way.

And the joke’s on him:
How many narcissists does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. You lost them at ‘change’

How many narcissists does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They’re so clever they can do it with their mind

How many narcissists does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They don’t need lightbulbs. They think they’re god. And god said “let there be light” and behold there was light. See, no lightbulbs necessary.



  1. Dont be too hard on yourself for caving in..although I am sorry he was so nasty to you..the only validation you need is your own! So keep telling yourself that a narc will never be able to do that..They are emotionally disabled! Hugs to you

    Liked by 1 person

  2. My nephew suffers from narcissism. Like, clinically diagnosed. So hearing you explain how they think makes so much sense to me. But I am excited that a lightbulb went off for you (no pun intended) and you made some realizations. Growing can be awesome.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Good morning. And yes, very true! He could make you feel as if you did it wrong. Truth is that there is NO right or wrong way to screw a lightbulb in. Oh my gosh, that sounds bad doesn’t it. Whatever! Have a great day.

        Liked by 1 person

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