A life of torture

I am bipolar and a recovering anorexic made fat by both side effects of bipolar medication, and a damaged thyroid caused by Lithium. Living single and alone, its not only a challenge to cook for one, but it’s a daily battle to eat a nutritious, balanced diet. Or even just to eat at all. I transition between starvation, comfort and binge eating. Everything to extreme, and nothing balanced. This is my weekly journal documenting my eating patterns, moods and thoughts. An attempt to keep account of my successes and failures with food.

there once was a girl with an eating disorder
she wasted her life getting smaller and smaller
but the joke was on her
bipolar made her a fat girl
and her life turned into pure torture

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  1. Due to Bipolar Medications, Celiac Disease, and Stage 3 Chronic Kidney Disease I have lost 135 pounds in a short period of time. I only eat in the morning. It’s the only time I have an appetite. The rest of my day is filled with forcing as much water down as possible and then getting rid of it! lol My previous Urologist wanted me to drink the equivalent of 16, 8 oz. glasses of water a day. I can’t. It isn’t possible for me. I don’t think it’s possible for most people! My daily menu is a big bowl of Cocoa Pebbles with Lactose Free Reduced Fat Milk. A large cup of Dunkin’ Donuts Chocolate Glazed Donut Flavored Coffee 8 oz. mixed with 4oz. of Hot Chocolate. I also add a Chocolate Hazelnut Truffle Non-Dairy Creamer and Sugar to the mix. Next are 4 Rice Cakes with either Peanut Butter and Grape Jelly or Whipped Cream Cheese sprinkled with Brown Sugar. That’s it for the day. The rest is water and Ginger Ale with actual ginger in it for nausea. Pretty sad diet. I’ve tried to switch it and find I don’t feel well. I do add some vegetables sometimes but not often. Not healthy at all.

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      1. I’m sorry! It’s like I’m in the Twilight Zone. Being 240 pounds most of my life and then 27o for about 4 years before I started losing I still see a large person in the mirror. The other day at a clothing store the woman working the dressing room said “you’re tiny!” I looked behind me, then on both sides of me. She laughed and said “I was talking to you!”. This happens often whenever anyone says anything nice to me. I do have health problems due to my diet and Celiac. I don’t think many people have Vitamin D Resistant Rickets! I feel like a Pirate. All I need is Scurvy to go with it. Osteoporosis at 43 isn’t so great either. But I deal. Or pretend it will go away. lol

        Liked by 1 person

      2. You really have had some hard knocks in life. I’m sorry to hear about your health problems. Can’t be easy. I’m on the other end of the spectrum – trying to love a body that’s much bigger. Oh well, I suppose there could be worse things in my life πŸ˜‰

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  2. I am so f****** hungry that even that raw chicken looked sexy. Your limerick made me sad bits, but your consistency with delicious and healthy vittles impresses me … does this complete the week? To where you are headed into another powerful week of maintaining this impressive consistency, or have I read wrong and those numerous and scrumpdiddlyumtious images are toying with my focus?

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    1. lol I’m glad my chicken looked sexy LMAO! Yes that was the end of the week and now another week begins. Doing this food journal helps me to be consistent. A lot of times my diet for the day is only peanuts…. but I do make an effort to be healthy – cooking is my nemesis!


  3. Hello. It hurts to hear that you’re hurting so badly. Please visit jw.org. You will find comfort there. Im here for you. Please hang in there but remember there’s sunlight in tomorrow, a totally new day.


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