Sweet Defeat

I am bipolar and a recovering anorexic made fat by both side effects of bipolar medication, and a damaged thyroid caused by Lithium. Living single and alone, its not only a challenge to cook for one, but it’s a daily battle to eat a nutritious, balanced diet. Or even just to eat at all. I transition between starvation, comfort and binge eating. Everything to extreme, and nothing balanced.  This is my weekly journal of some of my meals. An attempt to keep account of my successes and failures with food. I’ve thrown in some recipes and tips and tricks as I journey towards balanced, healthy eating.

The stress of house hunting and the financials involved have ruined my eating habits. Snacking, grazing and binge eating have been the order of the day. Why I have to binge eat on peanuts and marshmallow, and not carrots or cucumbers is beyond me!  I’m also on a small dosage of olanxapine at night to try to break the cycle of insomnia/disturbed sleep I’ve been struggling with since April. Olanxapine gives me severe water retension. So I have what I call a ‘Buddha Belly’. This is not dysmorphia talking – I really, truly do look like I’m significantly pregnant. Oh joy!  S since I haven’t cooked, boiled, chopped, stirred or mixed anything worthwhile. I have no tasty pictures to present. So this weeks substitution is a limerick. And here we go –

there once was a woman who couldn’t eat
her disorder was not very sweet
by hook or by crook
she would try to cook
but soon just admitted defeat






  1. Defeat? only you can determine if you’ve really been defeated, but are you going to stay down when you have the ability to create/change/reinvent yourself and situation? My Dear One, giving up is not an option when your situation can be different and better. If you are still alive, you can most definitely achieve anything, and by the looks of it, you are very much alive still. Be well and press on, you aren’t alone!:-) B.


  2. Cute limerick – if it wasn’t so bad a situation for you. I have to be honest, I am not so much interested today in your eating habits. I am totally fixated on what you said about your thyroid and lithim. Are you saying that lithium damaged your thyroid? And if so, what is your dosage? I take 900mg a night along with zyprexa (anti-psychotic) and I’m on bloodthinners as well. I’ll look forward to your next post about your eating habits. 🙂


    1. Yes, I’m afraid so. Lithium does indeed damage your thyroid.

      http://www.drugs.com – “Endocrine
      Lithium exerts multiple effects on the thyroid gland. Most importantly it inhibits the release of thyroxine and triiodothyronine and can lead to enhanced thyrotropin activity resulting in goiter. Therefore some clinicians recommend baseline thyroid function tests and yearly thyroid function tests while patients are on lithium.[Ref]

      Endocrine side effects including clinically evident hypothyroidism (1% to 4%) have been reported. Goiter occurs in approximately 5% of patients. Myxedema coma and hyperglycemia have been reported. A case of silent thyroiditis has also been reported.[Ref]”

      Another interesting link is: http://psycheducation.org/treatment/mood-stabilizers/the-big-three-for-bipolar-depression/lithium/lithium-risks/

      I started on 800mg/day, was increased to 1200mg/day for several years and have recently been decreased to 800mg/day. I developed hypothyroidist within the first few months of starting lithium.

      No matter what anyone says about lithium, for me personally, it has been my saving grace. I take one little tablet (euthyrox) in the morning and that’s that. You’ll know if your thyroid has been compromised. The fatigue is like nothing I’ve ever experienced before – that is what sent me to the doctor and got me tested. It’s not life threatening. It’s just a pain the ass weight wise. For me, anyway

      Hope that helps Eric 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Did my other comment make it to you? Thank you for sharing the information and for sharing the links. I am going to be looking deeply into that so I know what I’m in for. Lithium has been my lifesaver as well. Without it I would be in jail – my anger issues were really really bad and I could fly off at the drop of a hat. It was terrible. Now, thanks to the lithium, I can function somewhat normally as far as emotions go. I get all the side effects though: the thirst, the memory loss, the cognitive fog, tremors, weight gain…just all sorts of things. But it is better than the alternative, I’ll tell you that. Thanks again for sharing all the information. Knowledge is power. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Just read up on those links. It doesn’t look good. And I have noticed on my lab results that there has been a flucuation in my kidney numbers. The thyroid not so much. But I will be keeping a BIG eye out for both of those issues from now on. Thank you for sharing. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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