Lovers, learning curves and life lessons

I can say with concrete certainty that I am over Lover. I still feel the anger of betrayal. What he did changed me in a fundamental way. I watched a documentary recently on sociopaths and narcisissts and they were described as A.I.D’S โ€“ Angels In Disguise. They enter our lives to reveal our weaknesses so that we can work on them and become stronger, better people. I’m taking that philosophy and running with it.

My experiences over the past seven months have taught me the following:
– I am not a victim
– I am a people pleaser and I understand the work needed to overcome this
– I have the courage to make hard choices
– I have discovered what my boundaries are (*sigh* at last!)
– I have the ability to enforce those boundaries
– I can trust my instincts with confidence. That no matter the answer to my question, I can trust my gut
– I need to be more guarded about myself โ€“ entertain and question suspicion and doubt, instead of telling myself I’m imagining it
– to never make excuses for other people’s behaviour
– I can trust only myself
– I am stronger than I give myself credit for

They have also taught me what I still have yet to learn:
– It’s time to learn about and practice self care
– It’s time to learn to live in love and not in fear [see this post by Bipolar1Blog]
– I need to venture out the house, do stuff, engage with life and people. Life won’t come to me unless I’m out there living it

nothing ever goes away

I’m ready to learn. I’m ready to venture out into the world. To pass by and inspect some doors of opportunity. They don’t just open on their own. So, despite my anxiety, I’m ready to learn the shit out of learning what I need to learn ‘cos I want to stop this repeated cycle of awfulness. And so begins another new learning curve. Buckle up if you want to come along for the ride.

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