Nourish body and mind – stress ate my appetite

I am bipolar and a recovering anorexic made fat by both side effects of bipolar medication, and a damaged thyroid courtesy of Lithium. Living single and alone, its not only a challenge to cook for one, but it’s a daily battle to eat a nutritious, balanced diet. Or even just to eat at all. I transition between starvation, comfort and binge eating. Everything to extreme and nothing balanced.

This is my weekly journal of some of my meals. An attempt to keep account of my successes and failures with food. I’ve thrown in some recipes and tips and tricks as I journey towards balanced, healthy eating.

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It’s been a stressful week trying to buy my own home, and my nutrition has suffered. Two days of zero consumption except for coffee, coke (the soda not the snorting kind) and cigarettes. As always, since my withrawal from venlaxaine, I have developed a compulsive craving for salty peanuts. This has been my predominant binge food and a substitute for cooking a proper meal. Oh well, new week, let’s try again.

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2 comments

  1. Are you sure we aren’t twins! Your experience mirrors mine. Always the ‘fat girl’ throughout my life, dx as BP, on too many meds including Lithium (very high dose) and other useless meds?, anyways ballooned to almost 300 lbs. I never really connected the meds to the weight gain, just blamed it on me being lazy, depressed and useless.

    Lost some weight throughout the years, down to about 225-230, then gallbladder hell. Lost too much weight too fast down to 135 – outcome: anorexia and eating disorder. First you are almost 300 and 15 years later you are anorexic, WTF? Thrilled though, but ill.

    I had to finally go to an eating disorder program and I’m in my late 50’s and felt like I was the other girls mother. It helped, that was 2 years ago, but now I’m struggling again, restricting and I know it’s not healthy but my brain won’t let me see this. I’m 155 lbs now, which in my eyes is way too much and what I see in the mirror is 255 lbs. ED is tough, and even more tough to explain when people keep saying “you look fine”.

    I love your blog. Stay strong.

    Hugs xx Deb

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Deb 🙂 I maintain that eating disorders share the same thread as addiction – your mindset will always be dialled into the disorder’s pattern of thinking. And to remain in recover is a daily, lifelong battle. It’s never cured. 7 years ago I weighed 42kg and was hospitalised. Within a year, due to medication and hypothyroid, I was 20kgs heavier. It all happened so quickly and uncontrollably. The craving for food (side effect of meds) is overwhelming. And despite all the self-discipline throughout my anorexic existence, I cannot control or curb my eating. It horrifies me and I am repulsed by the shape of my body. I should mention, I am within the normal BMI range – so I’m by no means overweight. But I feel HUGH!!! I try to embrace my curves and boobs I never had before. But its still a daily effort

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