So my doc’s Clozapine, Voltaren and Rivotril experiment over the weekend didn’t work. I’m even more depressed and desperately suicidal. I had to report in to him today. He said hospital. I said no, I’d rather kill myself.
“Oh dear, then I think we need to put you on an anti-depressant”
The new experiment is to drop all of the above and begin Trazadone. I have boxes and boxes of the stuff from when he prescribed it for one of my bouts of insomnia. Soooo, I don’t have to bother with the medical aid, spend 5 days waiting for the posting of the meds, or have to cough up the cash myself. I already have a supply, so it’s the cheapest option. I like cheap, I want cheap, I need cheap. Remember the theme I spoke about?
So I start with 50mg tonight and increase to 100mg tomorrow and again the next day until I’m zoned out on 400mg. Night of the walking dead? Zombie apocalypse? I’ve heard its rather sedating. Do not drive or operate heavy machinery. Pftt, I have to get to work. And, is a hairdryer classified as heavy machinery?
So I’m slightly delirious with joy that I have an option available that includes a glimmer of hope. I’m doing all the right things – I even exercised yesterday, granted it was in my pyjama’s, but hey, I was moving the pedals of my exercise bike around. That counts. And I’ve finally tracked down a support group in my area. It’s a depression and suicide support group tomorrow night. Hmmm, suicide, I have a feeling I’ll fit right in.