A round of applause please. I’ve successfully given myself a Voltaren injection. In my bum cheek. With pronounced hand tremor. Youtube showed me how to divide up my derriere for the sweet spot. I used my eyeliner to draw X-marks-the-bullseye. Youtube then said I must throw the injection similar to the force of throwing a dart. Now throwing a dart at your own bum backwards is relatively awkward. I think I was overzealous as I sunk the entire needle into my ass cheek. But my intention was to do a good job of it. And a good job was indeed done.
Wait. Let me start at the beginning. I saw my doc today for my suicide-crisis follow-up. He was surprised by the espiride side effects I have been experiencing and declared “You are most definitely highly sensitive to anti-psychotics”. Oh yay. Just when I’m developing symptoms of psychosis. I do not feel a long term happy ending here. By the way, is sarcasm a side effect of psychosis? I’ve become decidedly snarkly of late.
My doc’s drug of choice today is Clozapine. While its a drug used for schizophrenia, in lower doses it has an anti-suicidal effect and could bring me out of this depression which he termed a ‘situational depression’ brought on by grieving ‘n stuff. He gave me three choices, but bear in mind I was hospitalized and booked off work a total of a month and a half at the end of last year. I’m worried more days off would be asking for trouble.
1. HOSPITAL [booked off work 5 days]
I haven’t been sleeping. So knock me out for a few days. Then bring on the clozapine and the inhouse psychologist to deal with all my shit
MY RATING: very, very, very, very last resort
2. AT HOME [booked off 3 days]
Same as above, minus in the inhouse psychologist which he seems extremely insistant upon
MY RATING: maybe a possibility
3. AT HOME + WORK [booked off ZERO days]
No knocking me out. So to get me sleeping at night, but relatively awake enough to go to work the next day is a cocktail of voltaren injection + rivotril + clozapine + trepiline + dormonoct. Phone in on Monday to give an update + see the psychologist he referred me to in my own time.
MY RATING: green light, go
Judging from the Voltaren introduction, you don’t need a medal to guess which option I chose.