Me: 1 Voltaren: 0

A round of applause please. I’ve successfully given myself a Voltaren injection. In my bum cheek. With pronounced hand tremor. Youtube showed me how to divide up my derriere for the sweet spot. I used my eyeliner to draw X-marks-the-bullseye. Youtube then said I must throw the injection similar to the force of throwing a dart. Now throwing a dart at your own bum backwards is relatively awkward. I think I was overzealous as I sunk the entire needle into my ass cheek. But my intention was to do a good job of it. And a good job was indeed done.

I'm doing my own injections because its cheaper. I'm sure you're becoming familiar with the developing theme - I like cheap, I need cheap 'cos.... poor 'n shit

I’m doing my own injections because its cheaper. I’m sure you’re becoming familiar with the developing theme – I like cheap, I need cheap ‘cos…. poor ‘n shit

poor

Wait. Let me start at the beginning. I saw my doc today for my suicide-crisis follow-up. He was surprised by the espiride side effects I have been experiencing and declared “You are most definitely highly sensitive to anti-psychotics”. Oh yay. Just when I’m developing symptoms of psychosis. I do not feel a long term happy ending here. By the way, is sarcasm a side effect of psychosis? I’ve become decidedly snarkly of late.

sarcasm

My doc’s drug of choice today is Clozapine. While its a drug used for schizophrenia, in lower doses it has an anti-suicidal effect and could bring me out of this depression which he termed a ‘situational depression’ brought on by grieving ‘n stuff. He gave me three choices, but bear in mind I was hospitalized and booked off work a total of a month and a half at the end of last year. I’m worried more days off would be asking for trouble.

1. HOSPITAL [booked off work 5 days]
I haven’t been sleeping. So knock me out for a few days. Then bring on the clozapine and the inhouse psychologist to deal with all my shit
MY RATING: very, very, very, very last resort

2. AT HOME [booked off 3 days]
Same as above, minus in the inhouse psychologist which he seems extremely insistant upon
MY RATING: maybe a possibility

3. AT HOME + WORK [booked off ZERO days]
No knocking me out. So to get me sleeping at night, but relatively awake enough to go to work the next day is a cocktail of voltaren injection + rivotril + clozapine + trepiline + dormonoct. Phone in on Monday to give an update + see the psychologist he referred me to in my own time.
MY RATING: green light, go

Judging from the Voltaren introduction, you don’t need a medal to guess which option I chose.

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10 comments

  1. Impressive courage with the self-injection…! I feel like I am having similar issues… situational depression/suicidal ideation but am still working full time and not taking meds… maybe a recipe for disaster?

    Thinking about you as you go through the rest of the week and weekend…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Depression is not an easy place to be, especially working full time as well. There’s no time to indulge your emotions or rest your mind. Life is just one big great demand of your time and energy. I would highly recommend some medication. It’s there to make our lives easier, so why not take advantage of it. Thank you for your encouragement ❤

      Like

  2. Holy shit, VOLTAREN sounds like the leader of the Aliens in the Nimbus Galaxy!!!!!!

    I’m super-impressed about your injection finesse!
    You wre hysterically snarky in this post and very clever, but at least you admitted the snark to us.

    Here’s a thought: you could film the next injection (how, exactly I’m not sure but I know you’d figure out something) & post it on YouTube to inspire others. I guarantee it would go viral. You could have that adorable dancer guy from your “When Life Deals You Lemonds” post perform his special dance behind you as you inject!

    You wrote we can speak our minds so I’m obviously taking you up on it. 😉 ***Good luck*** with the #3 option, sweet Pieces. I’m rooting for you, big time.

    XO
    Dy Fry “Voltaren” Harwood

    p.s. Regarding that dancer you shared in your post “When Life Deals You Lemons” ,
    one of my favorite parts is his London visit. There’s a girl to the right who just moves her arms…
    I also got a big kick out of the male dancer in a blue shirt all the way to the right in Brisbane, Australia

    Like

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