I’ve been on espiride for a week now and its doing it’s job. Supposedly no side effects, but my doc’s prediction that I’ve become med sensitive is proving correct. The first 5 days weren’t pleasant so I halved the dose. We have a 4-day long weekend which I’m taking advantage of to take the full dose.
So far so good. There has been no rekindling of hope as yet, but I do feel lighter. The constant crying has ebbed to something more controlable. I’m just focusing on the practicalities of living – hygiene, eating (as in food I have to chew rather than just mixing a replacement meal shake), not abusing my meds so I can escape into sleep, and trying to stay busy and focused so my mind doesn’t dwell where it shouldn’t.
Since I have 4 days alone, I ‘ve told myself I have to venture out into the world once every day. Yesterday I went out and bought my cigarettes for the month. I go to a tobacconist at a local shopping mall. I hate shopping malls – they trigger rage and anxiety. But he charges wholesale prices if you pay cash. And, I need cheap, so shopping mall it is. But, Murphy’s Law, while most of the shops were open for trading, the muslim owner had shut up shop on a christian holiday?????
This forced me to drive around in the heat to hunt down my cheap brand of poison. I got home hot, sweaty and angry, but with stash in hand.
Today I woke up early and worked in the garden. Hey, technically that IS getting outta the house!
As far as eating, the proof is in the pudding. My meals this week, one cooked, the rest just chopped/mixed with salad dressing. I know, I know, I have to curb my enthusiasm.