Another one bites the dust

Long story short, I did it again. Oh yes. I attracted yet another alcoholic.

When I gave Lover the heave-ho, he stayed with a work colleague. I was in touch with this person regarding Lover’s welfare. Once Lover left for Cape Town, The Colleague kept in touch with me. He slowly made an impression and plied an invite to stay over the weekend ā€“ on the couch mind you. I am fresh from a breakup.

BOUNDARY ALERT: I do not tolerate the abuse of drugs or alcohol
Saturday evening I watched in horror as he ate fistfulls of pain pills – 30 in total – and drank like his life depended on it. The following morning was a beer for breakfast and a long explanation as to how he’s not alcoholic.

BOUNDARY ALERT: I do not tolerate theft
He was a docile drunk, but with my background, it was a frightening and traumatic weekend. The final straw once he’d left, was discovering he had stolen some of my anti-anxiety and sleeping tablets. Texts flew back and forth, culminating in me drawing a hard line – you are no longer welcome in my life.

lesson

So now I’ve emotionally regressed, back to point two – when Lover left – and back to point one, when I left my alcoholic husband. It’s been destablilising, I can’t stop crying or thinking about suicide.

Yes, I’m identifying these alcoholics a lot quicker and leaving a lot sooner. Each encounter, although totally different from one another, has been more severe than the one before. What am I doing wrong? Sweet jesus please for fuck sakes tell me why am I attracting these chaotic, destructive men into my life?

I never intended to post this because I feel like a complete fool. If I felt like a fool after Lover, imagine how I feel about myself the third time around. Three alcoholics, count ’em, three. Why? What am I doing wrong. I’m so tired and so close to giving up.

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21 comments

  1. I’m in a great marriage now, but had a string of drunks and losers for years. I believe it’s because subconsciously we like taking care of others. It’s easier to take care of another person than deal with ourselves. Just my uneducated theory.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. You’re right, it is easier taking care of others over ourselves. For goodness sakes, never mind cooking dinner….. I don’t even eat food I have to chew – I drink meal replacement shakes. I’m rubbish at taking care of myself. Ok, now I see a path through the chaos. Bradley, if your uneducated theories are this illuminating, I’m sure I’ll be bedazzled by your educated ones. You’re a super star. Thanks for this – its a huge help

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Jeezus what a disappointment!!!!! The only conclusion I’ve ever come to with men is that I need to go slowwwwww….slower than slow in getting to know them and letting them into my life. Just getting to know them as friends, and seeing whether or not they’re worthy friends, is my first criteria. This may or may not apply to your situation but let me tell you, I feel your pain, friend.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Eish! Its heart-rending. I don’t think I was in this much pain since my divorce. But you’re raised a good point. I get swept up and shoot to extreme. I need to take it very, very slowly next time. If there’s a next time

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  3. I wish I could give you some profound advice but I am at a loss at what to say. So I will simply say this: Believe in yourself, you deserve to have the right person in your life & take care!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Some people just know you are at a weak point and exploit it, and we are usually in too much of a fog to see the why until later. It’s ok to feel like you do, but try not to beat yourself up too badly, dearie. One moment at a time ā¤

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Boundaries seem to be my downfall. I tend to fall for alcoholics or addicts in general it seems. My dad was an alcoholic and they say woman marry men like their fathers, and that I did…ex husband recovering alcoholic. The only serious relationship since my divorce…he was truly addicted to gambling. I just seem to think “I will be the one to fix them” HA

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ah ok, I’m not alone, not the only fool in the circus of co-dependency. Thank you for sharing. It means a lot knowing I’m not alone in this. Boundaries… I have only just recently learned about them. I seem to be able to enforce them, but I’m still a novice. I find the whole exercise traumatic. The guy cried for godsake – heart wrenching. Then I feel responsible and guilty and so we go round and round with co-dependency. I’m going to try Bradley’s suggestion of focusing on self-care, instead of caring for others like we tend to do. This whole addiction thing makes for a miserable life. I left my alcoholic husband FOUR years ago and still don’t have my shit together… no matter how hard I try, read, analyse etc. Also my first serious relationship since my divorce – we even moved in together – was with an alcoholic

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Well 11 years later, I’m still weak to the gambler. I can’t tell you how many times, I’ve tried to walk away, we were never married, have no kids, but I still want to take care of him. I’m as sick as he is

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      2. Its not easy to walk away. I stayed with my ex-husband for 17 years before I realised he was killing me from the inside out. And it took me 2 years to gather up the courage to leave. My heart absolutely aches for you. Its not easy and can only be done when you are ready. And yes, we are just as sick as they are. And it’s also what we are familiar with. We grew up with it, married it. Its what we know and that, as miserable as it is, is our comfort zone.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. You will. You will. You’ll know when the time is right. I NEVER thought I’d leave my ex-husband, but one day something just snapped in my head. He happened to be eating a hot dog and kept spilling the mouthfuls on the floor, then scraping them up and eating them. And that was my time, when I knew. To this day he tells people I left him because he eats hot dogs and drinks beer lol ! Don’t despair, the time will come. And in the meantime, you have my support

        Liked by 1 person

  6. Aw. I enjoyed reading this. I was the kleptomaniac alcoholic loser you describe 10+ years ago. I was attracted to strong women that liked to care for me; perhaps that’s where you’re going wrong? Enjoy yourself alone for a period! šŸ™‚

    (p.s. not any of those any more)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Raymond, I’m glad you enjoyed the post, and thanks for the comment. You are the second person with that advice. Bradley suggested sometimes its easier to take care of someone else than face taking care of ourselves. So, I’m researching self care and plan to implement. Loneliness…. here I come!

      Liked by 1 person

  7. A few good read / watches would be to search “Amy Young” on youtube for advice, “Jessi Smiles” Storytimes on YouTube for that “wow. I’m not alone” feeling – read anything by Allan and Barbara Pease (You can find them on Amazon) and perhaps joining a group with like minded people that are trying to change like yourself šŸ™‚

    This is sort of what I did 10 years ago. I also started volunteering for a local Mental Health charity šŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Raymond šŸ™‚ I’ll take any advice that’ll set me on the right track. I have made a note of your suggestions and will definite follow up. There are no bipolar support groups in my area. For a while now, I’ve thought of starting one myself. I’ve decided to make enquiries about doing it.

      Liked by 1 person

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