Long story short, I did it again. Oh yes. I attracted yet another alcoholic.
When I gave Lover the heave-ho, he stayed with a work colleague. I was in touch with this person regarding Lover’s welfare. Once Lover left for Cape Town, The Colleague kept in touch with me. He slowly made an impression and plied an invite to stay over the weekend – on the couch mind you. I am fresh from a breakup.
BOUNDARY ALERT: I do not tolerate the abuse of drugs or alcohol
Saturday evening I watched in horror as he ate fistfulls of pain pills – 30 in total – and drank like his life depended on it. The following morning was a beer for breakfast and a long explanation as to how he’s not alcoholic.
BOUNDARY ALERT: I do not tolerate theft
He was a docile drunk, but with my background, it was a frightening and traumatic weekend. The final straw once he’d left, was discovering he had stolen some of my anti-anxiety and sleeping tablets. Texts flew back and forth, culminating in me drawing a hard line – you are no longer welcome in my life.
So now I’ve emotionally regressed, back to point two – when Lover left – and back to point one, when I left my alcoholic husband. It’s been destablilising, I can’t stop crying or thinking about suicide.
Yes, I’m identifying these alcoholics a lot quicker and leaving a lot sooner. Each encounter, although totally different from one another, has been more severe than the one before. What am I doing wrong? Sweet jesus please for fuck sakes tell me why am I attracting these chaotic, destructive men into my life?
I never intended to post this because I feel like a complete fool. If I felt like a fool after Lover, imagine how I feel about myself the third time around. Three alcoholics, count ’em, three. Why? What am I doing wrong. I’m so tired and so close to giving up.