Anchored to the fate of my life

not normal

You will know no strength like that of a bipolar. It’s a force of will forged over a lifetime of endurance. Breath by breath, hour by hour, day by day, year in and year out, is her constant struggle to endure the pain that lies deep within her brain.

No single human can break her. For she has faced the storms of life, seen the light at the end and powered through to the other side, alive. She lives where angels fear to tread. Her mind, cast in duality, strives to kill her by coercion and subtle, whispered doubt, eroding her soul like a storm. Human judgment and stigma, shaped by ignorance and intolerance, violate her very life force.

But no bipolar worth their salt and lithium will go down quietly. She is born a warrior. She is born a survivor. She is born to face the dark and walk through to the light. She is born to bear unbearable pain, quietly. Born to a life of sufferance then sudden bliss. Sunshine then rain. Immeasurable enthusiasm for life countered by times of dark, dark weariness. She is born to wade the waters of depression, and survive. And she is born to soar the great heights of mania, and not fall from grace.

I do not have bipolar. I am bipolar. I am defined by bipolar because every day I live within the confines of my illness, my symptoms, the triggers, side effects, consequences. By diagnosis, by behaviour and by dress size, I am anchored to the fate of my life.

 

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24 comments

  1. Your last paragraph is powerful. I can relate to being “born a warrior” and being “born a survivor.” Many times I say, “I don’t want to be a fighter. I don’t want to be a survivor” Why can’t I just be. Even now, while I’m pretty well balanced, it’s in the back of my head that being balanced won’t last forever.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I’m so glad you could relate to the post, Bradley. I know what you mean – no labels, just the freedom to be you. But we don’t have the luxury of freedom. As you say, always around the corner, another new cycle awaits. Its kind of why I wrote the post, I want to embrace who I am, I want to live in peace with who I am

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Hugs! I cycled from hypo last week to quite low this week. At least you work. I don’t know how you do it. I admire (and envy) you for being able to work.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I work with great difficulty but it does channel my energy and focus which is good, and it forces me out of bed every morning. I’m so inconsistent with my temperament, I don’t socialise much with people – never know what’s gonna pop outta my mouth 8-/

      Liked by 1 person

  3. This is absolutely phenomenal. Oh my God. I lived every single word of this post. You have such an amazing way with words. My favorite part is :

    “She is born to wade the waters of depression, and survive. And she is born to soar the great heights of mania, and not fall from grace.”

    Beautiful. I’m so reblogging this!

    Like

      1. Of course. Thanks for writing that. Dyane said you’ve been having a hard time the past few days. I hope things get better. You are so strong and definitely not alone. We stick together. Be that warrior!

        Liked by 1 person

  4. I think you’re pretty wonderful.
    This is a beautifully written post.
    I prefer “have”, but everyone has his/her preference and I’m becoming less militant about it all.

    Oh, my dear Pieces, I hate the word bipolar and all it represents sooooooo much!!!!!!!!!
    It’s up there with “smegma” as far as I’m concerned
    (sorry to those who like that word, no offense….)
    Sending you big hugs!!!!!!!!!!
    XO
    Fryane

    Like

    1. Thank you for the lovely compliment, Dyane 🙂 We all have our individual perspectives based on our experiences which are all so personal. I like to think there’s no right or wrong as to the have/am debate. Struggling as I am right now, I felt compelled to define my identity with a positive voice. Thank you for embracing my point of view and the hugs. Hugs are always awesome ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  5. As everyone else has already pointed out – this is so Touching and Powerful.
    Actually, exposure to all the blogosphere poetry, like yours, must have drilled an opening into a hidden poetry reservoir in me, AND that of my wife too.
    Any feedback :/ (Likes/Comments/?Reblog) 😛 is greatly appreciated, and would be a huge boost for my wife’s motivation in ‘blogging’.
    I look forward to sharing your post with her tonight. Cheers

    Liked by 1 person

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