Manipulation and pure madness

This time last week Lover was drunk out of his mind, on a bus to Cape Town, and I was having a meltdown. After a few days I began to rearrange the home in an attempt to erase memories of him. And then, just as I felt the dust begin to settle, he phoned me.

Unfortunately, this contact has triggered a harmful pattern of behaviour I fall into whenever a relationship ends. Be it a one week or six month relationship. Even if I am the one that calls it quits! I can’t let go. I won’t let go, dammit! I become obsessed with maintaining contact. Nice messages turn to nasty messages, turn to begging to get back together then about-turn to ending the relationship all over again. I cross the line into crazy in a way that only the extremes of bipolar can do.  I act like a woman possessed

This pattern of behaviour runs circles around me, I feel powerless over the need to be heard, to be acknowledged. Every fibre of my being wants to contact him in the hopes that I’ve not been discarded or forgotten. This week I have acted in pure madness and he has manipulated me every inch of the way. I have sent a barrage of emails and text messages. Days go by with nothing answered or acknowledged. Then just as the dust begings to settle…… another random text message – I’m going to get my meds, have a great day, I will always love you. And then I’m triggered all over again, sending hateful, nastry, cruel messages. What can I say, his emotional abuse by using silent treatment brings out the best in me.

don't text him girl by inessa_emilia - deviantart

Texting Lover is forbidden. I’ve enforced a No Contact rule for myself, for the safety of my own health. (pic)

I have an old phone that can’t block people. But I turned to my good friend, Google, and he found some super-duper apps to block phone calls and text messages. Now I don’t have to worry about some surprise contact just as I begin to settle in to my new life. Now I don’t have to keep obsessively checking my phone 10 million times a day to see if he’s responded. Now I feel safe. And now I can work on letting go, moving forward and never looking back.

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16 comments

  1. YAY!! That’s the tough, self-protecting woman I know!!! You are seriously KICKING ASS at taking care of yourself. BTW I can relate to all of the hurt and hurtful behavior too. Relationships can bring out the best in us…or the worst in us, can’t they? You are doing great and I’m proud of you. PROUD!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Kicking ass and taking names *cries a little bit* Kicks ass and takes names. I feel reassured that you can relate to what I’m going through, which makes all your advice and encouragement all the more meaningful since its coming from first hand experience. Thanks my special friend, from the bottom of my big bipolar heart 🙂 ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m so glad you found a way to block him!!! Fake it till you make it is good but you also have to rip that band aid off and block his ass for good. This will help. You may cry and feel sad and that’s ok. Just keep his ass blocked.

    Liked by 2 people

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