Truth, lies and HIV clarifies

The truth will out. As it turns out, I had every reason to be frightened of Lover. I’ve come to learn that he is a narcissist. A narcissist with an addiction is a very dangerous thing. Sending him packing, as difficult as it was, as difficult as his abandonment still is; was probably one of the better choices I’ve made in my lifetime.

 

Storm of Lies by oO-Rein-Oo - deviantart

As the lies untangle, all the pieces begin to fit together (pic)

I’ve come to learn that pretty much everything Lover has told me since I’ve known him has been a lie. His ex-wife has bipolar – no she doesn’t. He occassionally binge drinks as a crutch – he’s a chronic alcoholic who’s been drinking like this his entire life. No history of alcoholism in his family – uh, no. His father is an alcoholic, his father has 14 siblings and they are all alcoholics, he has 5 siblings and they are all alcoholics. His drinking has nothing to do with the breakdown of his marriage – nope again. He spent 3 years unemployed, expelled by the Jehova Witness Church, abandoned by family support, living on the streets – you guessed it, no again! He spent a whopping 10 years, a whole decade, living on the streets, begging, stealing, drinking.

With each new nugget of truth uncovered, I began to feel less confident about my sexual health. Could I believe his claim to be HIV/AIDS free? As the doubt took root in my mind, I began to freak the fuck out. Was that statement just another lie. Had I exposed myself to the virus? A deadly virus so prevalent in South Africa.

Its a defining moment – when you suspect you have a fatal illness. It puts suicide in perspective. My train of thought ran down that dark track, deciding that, should it be so, I would not accept treatment. I would come to terms with my fate and I would choose to die. I would embrace death because it’s something I wish for most days of my life. Then why was I so scared to take the test? One of life’s conundrums, I guess.

So I went to the clinic today and took the test and it was negative. I do not have HIV/AIDS. I wept with relief., which is strange ‘cos I seem so eager to die. The nurse watched me confused and said – why are you crying, dear? This is a good thing.

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7 comments

  1. Maybe you are not so eager to die, maybe it’s just your bipolar disorder fooling you into thinking that. Hang on. You are a brave woman, to have gotten rid of the miscreant, to have taken the HIV test, to have uncovered all his lies! Maybe the lie that you want to die needs to be uncovered as well. Hugs, 100’s of them.

    Liked by 5 people

  2. Wow Pieces – first, how effin scary!!! Second, how BRAVE you are to face the fear and go test. Very relieved for you, to have a negative result!

    Relationships like this make it hard to trust anyone at face value.

    I hope you embrace that feeling, the one that said, “hey, maybe I’m not really ready to go!” Please let that seed sprout and grow. You are walking a tough road, no question, but you are growing and learning every day. You deserve to and WILL find that stable place (& relationship) you have worked so hard for! When you get there, you will be an example for girls and women all over the world. (*no pressure…she whispers**) ❤

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks Tempest. It was really scary but worth the peace of mind in the end. And you’re right about trust issues – I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to trust any man again, but I’m also aware I don’t want to place limits on my life experience just because of one bad apple. Thank you for caring and for your support ❤

      Liked by 1 person

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