As I cried, the heavens opened and stormed with me after a day of more heartbreak. It all began just past 8.30am with a text from his boss:
Hi Pieces. We are done with him. He is a lost cause and we cannot put our company or staff at risk. He was pissed out of his mind again yesterday and we had to get him and our vehicle along side the freeway. He needs to be treated with tough love, where he has no alternative but to change his life.
I phoned back and explained all I had tried to do – boundaries, consequences. Tough love. The boss, whose brother is an alcoholic, said – there is nothing more we can do for him. I felt complete desolation.
Then he phoned later, drunk, declaring he was heading home back to Cape Town. To be with his kids. Running away if you ask me. While I’ve made the connection that his behaviour is not personal, I couldn’t help but reel at his rejection and cavalier abandonment of me. Since he had no money, and since that was now apparently all my fault, he demanded that I book and pay for his ticket. My reply was a resounding ‘no’. He phoned several times asking – have you given it any thought? I stopped taking his calls.
The boss phoned again to warn me – he was hitting everybody up for cash. Concerned about the safety of my meager possessions, I contacted my landlord who lives next door and works from home (an ex-cop). With great embarassment I explained the situation. He was kind and reassuring, texting – don’t worry, I’ve got you covered…. he won’t get near you ….. I will have him locked up so fast he won’t know what hit him….. we are here for you, you are not alone.
Come evening, distressing images trolled my mind. Of him passed out, cold and derelict on some dirty pavement. So I phoned him for my own peace of mind. He was fine, he was drunk. His father has bought him a ticket back to Cape Town, leaving on Friday. I’m an in an emotional blender. Feelings swaying from why, why, why? How could you leave me when you told me you loved me and would love me forever? To anger – you despicable, lying cunt of a motherfucker. Then relief – at least he is is going far, far away. And then back to the agony of rejection, desertion, abandonment.
I wonder if anything he ever said was true? I doubt it. Did he love me or did he just love the convenience of me? Most probably. He swept through my life like a tornado leaving flattened destruction in his wake. How did something that seemed so good turn so bad in the short space of one month? A toast everyone! To alcohol abuse, and the denial of being an alcoholic.