Sleeping with the enemy

If it looks like a duck, if it swims like a duck, if it quacks like a duck…..it’s a duck.

If he lies and denies like a politician, if he steals like a theif, if he manipulates like a conman, if he drinks like a fish….he’s dangerous and needs to go.

Despite my hard choice boundary – if you drink alcohol in any way, shape, or form, for whatever reason, our relationship is over and you will leave immediately – I’ve since discovered details about him from a reliable source. A source that introduced us and now feels so guilty because she too believed his lies and manipulation.

fear_by_darkixi - source deviatart-com

 

Bottom line, I am frightened of him. The person I met is not the person I’m discovering him to be. He’s not just an alcoholic. He’s a thief. He’s a conman. But are these traits merely a part of the drinking disease? Dunno…..

I’m scared to kick him out for fear of repercussions. Basically, I’m just scared of him. Scared to close my eyes and go to sleep. Scared he’ll break in, because he can. I can’t move – I’ve signed a 12 month lease. I feel conflicted, vulnerable, exposed and (ab)used. Do I just throw him out? Or do I give him the chance to find somewhere to stay first? Or do I wait out the whole sobriety process? Dunno…..

But I’m a fighter and I’m hoping I’m merely catastrophizing everything. That the outcome will not be as bad as I am imagining it to be. I will stand my ground, this is my home, my name on the lease. I’ve fought too long and too hard to get to where I am in my personal growth to have it fucked up by a liar, a drunk and a thief.

I don’t own much to steal. And material goods are replaceable. If he kills me, well, I’m suicidal half my life so I guess that’s a blessing in disguise. If he lays a hand on me, I’ll punch him in the throat and call my landlord who is ‘in’ with the cops. Help would arrive quickly.

I’m sad and disillusioned that what started as a dream come true, has turned into a nightmare.

Advertisements

33 comments

  1. This sounds like a tough (and potentially volatile) situation you are in. I hope that you allow yourself some support and feel like you do not have to go this alone. Take care!

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Look after yourself, even if it means letting go. My 26 year old son is an alcoholic ( and bipolar) and it is so easy and so scary t?o get caught up. My son also steals and lies. I believe it is the disease, but that is an explanation not an excuse. My boundaries with him suck, after all I do love him but I do not like him when he drinks. I am trying to find a way out. I wish the best for you.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I know the pain I’m in (was also married for 17 years to an alcoholic), but I cannot imagine how difficult it must be as a parent. My heart goes out to you. Snap! I also told him in the past when he was drunk “I love you but I don’t like you very much right now”. When he was caught drunk at work and his boss phoned, all I heard was him in the background saying “sh’ dus’n like me an’more”. I wish the best for you too Roughghosts xx

      Like

  3. Please, please make use of your available resources. If you’re scared of him, go to a shelter for battered women. You don’t need to stay, but you do need to talk to people who’ve been there. Maybe they can help you, or at least give you some real life support. Get him out, but don’t do it alone. ❤

    Liked by 3 people

      1. You have no idea how much I can relate to your story. My Klingon became a stalker, so watch yourself and DON’T be afraid to get the police involved. The stalking was terrible. ❤

        Liked by 1 person

  4. You have to protect yourself. I don’t know where you are, but if your name is one the lease and his isn’t, it may be possible to have the police remove him permanently as a trespasser.

    My advice would be to go to the police station and explain your situation. They will be able to explain your options, and the repercussions (for him) of those actions.

    If all else fails or you feel in immediate danger, the woman’s shelter is the place to go. You can call the domestic relations office in the area in which you live to find out what the requirements are. They will also be able to tell you what your other options may be.

    Protect yourself. Above all…protect yourself. Like you said, material possessions can be replaced.

    You cannot be replaced.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you Leslie. Your advice and support means so much. The trespasser thing is key – its complicated (isn’t it always) but I’ve just discovered he’s “flying under the radar”. So I will load my get-rid-of-you gun with that information. I am moved by your final statement – thank you ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Serious situation! I sincerely hope and pray your nightmare will soon end and you’ll wake up to a fresh, new beginning.

    According to the American Psychological Association, women with disabilities are 40% more likely to experience intimate partner violence than women without disabilities. Although mental illness is not necessarily a disability, it certainly can be, and women in this category are surely at a higher risk.

    Liked by 1 person

Say what you mean, and mean what you say

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s