In my previous post, I made the statement:
I also believe everything in life comes to me as a lesson to be embraced, not run from. And in this instance, maybe I need to unlearn the conditioning from my abusive marriage and be open to discover that possibly not everyone who occassionally (recently discovered regularly) drinks to excess is an alcoholic.
But on the other hand, could my lesson not be:
When an alcoholic shows his true colours, don’t wait 17 years to leave him. Granted, don’t kick a dog when he’s down. Give one chance, two chances, four chances. Determine boundaries, give ultimatums, consequences, try to trust the promises. That’s fair enough, right?
But when the betrayal begins, it’s time to be ruthless. Cut my losses. I don’t want to endure another life at the whim of a selfish alcoholic. I will have to be ruthless. But I can’t….. Tell me, why am I able to be so ruthless with myself, but not with someone else who is hurting me? It’s a great mystery to me.
The number of times he’s threatened and tried to commit suicide frightens me. I know he’s manipulating me. But I don’t want to kick him out and have his blood on my hands. I have put myself in this predicament. So only I will know the way out