Ever since I left my ex-husband-the-alcoholic in December 2011, I have regularly been plagued by what I call my screaming dreams.
I’m awoken from vivid nightmares in frightening ways – with my fist pounding the buggery out of my bed, or attempting to strangle my lamp whilst beating it against the wall. I’ll sit bolt upright and gasp for air as if I’m being suffocated, or panting like a runner. My own screams or shouts of Noooooooooo! or other such jibbery-jabbery wake me up. I’m sweaty, soaked through my jim-jams, and the nighmares seem every bit as real as I’m sitting here right now.
Yesterday, I woke up to the sound of my own voice whispering in the silence of the night ….as the tears ran down Haydens face, it would be another hour before they found his dead body... uh, creepy or what? In that dream, ‘Hayden’ was a baby in a crib, and someone was walking away from him.
Once my divorce was finalised last Sept 2014, the screaming dreams abruptly stopped. Just last week I had 2 immensely happy dreams Then on Friday, driving home from work, I passed my ex going in the opposite direction. Seeing him triggered four recurring screaming dreams over the course of Friday and Saturday.
Google told me these nightmares indicate issues of abandonment, and mean…… either my issues still need working on (ya think!), or they have healed and are being released (wtf, is release supposed to be so frightening?). Yet another suggestion was “instead of feeling abandoned, I need to live my life with abandon”. Interesting twist I suppose.
The return of these nightmares doesn’t scare me as much as the fact that it only took a three second glance at him whizzing by in traffic, to ressurect them.