Pardon me, some rage slipped out

I finally burrowed out of my dark flat into the brightness of the real world today. To go shopping. At a (dreaded) shopping mall.

Skinny people everywhere

Skinny people everywhere


Between the plastic manequins draped with the latest skinny fashions, the traumatic change rooms and the queue’s, I never try anything on. I cross my fingers and hope it fits. Wandering aimlessly, I can’t imagine fitting into that streamlined dress, or that cotton top, or that jersey, t-shirt, jacket……. My eating disorders ricochet inside my head. Convinced I resemble a starving Etheopian with Kwashiorkor, I gave up, my mood low and my feet aching.

My round pot belly is out of proportion to the rest of my body

My round pot belly is out of proportion to the rest of my body


But I needed one of those one terabyte thingies. The salesman tells me the special’s sold out. I look at him, waiting for options. He looks back at me, blinking. I say, well don’t you have any in the back? He goes off and returns with an older gentleman who tells me the same thing, madam we are out of stock, but you can take this one instead. And the genius points to a more expensive brand. Oh, for the same price though, I enquire. He says no. I say, well then that’s not a choice, you are forcing me to purchase the more expensive brand. He says, sorry we’re out of stock, his gaze shifts into the distance and he starts picking his nose.

WELL, my brain goes ENGAGE RAGE. I have a vague recollection of loud words coming hot and fast off my tongue while waving my hands above my head in a muddy impression of “Cheaters vs Jerseylisious”. I ranted about Mr Big Corporation preying on the General Consumer, we’re a ‘lamb to the slaughter’ being reduced to impotent victims yadda yadda . I know I stamped my foot at one point. That sent the first saleman running, yes running like Usain Bolt, away from me and to the safe enclave of his fellow colleagues a few feet away.

Even I wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of my rage

Even I wouldn’t want to be on the receiving end of my rage



But I did need the terabyte thingie. So I cursed the older salesman who had by this stage taken his finger out his nose and was staring at me with a slack jaw. I don’t recall what else I shouted, but the fiasco finished off with a Shame on you, SHAME ON YOU, dressing down to the older salesman, before I wobbled away, shaking, jerking, twitching, to the cashier.

This is why I don’t like shopping. Between the change room lighting, people pushing and bumping, long queue’s and sore feet, keeping vigilant for pick-pocketers, my tolerance wears thin, triggers start popping, and all it takes is a salesman absentmindedly fingering his nose, to set me off.




  1. I’m right there with you on hating shopping. It brings up every single one of my body issues and some I don’t even know I have. I almost always end up in the men’s section, buying men’s shirts. The jeans don’t work as well and I have to slog around, embarrassed and hating it, looking for a pair of jeans to fit my extra wide butt. And I have a problem walking into plus size shops; those clothes are too big for me. It’s just awful.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, its horrible. Those carnival mirrors in the change room. And when you shop alone and something doesn’t fit – you have to get dressed again, wander about, get the next size, get undressed, and try again. By then, I’m hot, sweaty, thirsty and throw in the towel. Grrr, hate shopping 😉

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Instead of the inner focus when you go shopping or out in public, try an outer focus — sit down, relax, and try to enjoy a little people watching. I’m always amazed at how different people are… Unique… Just like you. 🙂

    And seeing kids… being kids. Happy, full of energy, or irritated and cranky. When we were kids, we had no hesitation in showing our feelings and emotions. Then we grow up and bottle them all inside. Once in awhile, try looking at life the way a kids does… Full of wonder and delight.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. I guess I should admit that I very rarely go to the mall, and I haven’t shopped for clothes in like forever. So maybe I shouldn’t be giving advice about something I rarely do. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

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