Isn’t it tragic when one of the people who created you, exhibits such displeasure in who you are, in who you have become, and will not allow you to be yourself. Who shows no concern in your mental health, is ashamed by the diagnosis – hell, won’t even say the word……
Hell, doesn’t even believe I am sick. I ask him to google, read up on bipolar because that will give him a better understanding of his only child. He tells me he doesn’t need to do that, he has a general idea of it. I need to exercise. And meet new people. Then I’d be right as rain.
I was trying to build bridges with him after a long period of no communication. But after this, I’m not interested in bridges. Only being left alone by said party.
If its not one loss its another. I’ve been thinking about suicide a lot. I know how I will do it. I have two options. One, gunshot. Two, jump. I’ve chosen the building. And it seems appropriate to jump since that’s what my mother did 23 years ago. And after all the bullshit today, I decided I would do it. No sooner had that thought crossed my mind, than I had an actual visual flash inside my brain. Followed by “FUCK THAT! Why should I let them rob me of my life!”
Just because I have failed my whole life to please that man does not mean I have to be sentenced to death. If he doesn’t like his daughter, then he should just fake it ’til he makes it. Am I right? I am who I am and I have a lot more good qualities than bad. He needs to take parenting classes more than I need to be committed.
If his only child brings displeasure and embarassment to him, then I’d say that says more about HIM than it does about me. So FUCK THAT! For the time being, I choose to live. And live any way I want to.