False alarm! They’re alive! My feelings are aliveeeeeeeee!
I won’t bore you with details, but, needless to say I was a little (possibly alot) overcome by my newly court-declared ‘divorced’ status. I think I just went numb for a while, a bit depressed. Maybe my feelings were ‘amputated’ to preserve the state of my psyche. Dunno. But that’s the diagnosis I’m going with.
Rest assured, today has seen a fresh batch of drizzly tears, steaming anger, jokes and giggles. All within a 45min period………no, just joking. Not. Yes, I am. Not…..no, I’m kidding. Okay, I’ll stop the silliness…..seriously. The morning started with me in tears signing the house over to Mr X, the nice conveyancing lady gently patting me on the knee.
Lunchtime had me telling my friend my woes. She told me I was lucky, not many people get a second chance. That I need to grab hold of this new beginning and embrace it. Do all the things I’ve wanted to do. She encouraged me to let go of the fear, and really live. At first I wanted to give her a swift kick in the chops. But… she’s my best friend. And…..she’s my ONLY friend. She’s also the type of friend that tells me what I need to hear, even when she knows I don’t want to hear it. And I’m the type of friend that understands she’s doing it because she loves me, and wants the best for me. And anyway, she always right. So butt kicking bypassed, we moved on to jokes and giggles.
Just before hometime saw me seething with rage. Just work stuff, nothing important. But that rush of white-hot blood and adrenaline had me all shaking-hands, wobbly-head angry. And it was with that, that I knew my feelings were alive again. Long may they last!