The day my mother jumped

My mother in her early twenties
young and carefree dreams aplenty
my mother then at forty nine
took her life and with it mine

she jumped from a rooftop
and dropped
non-stop
while god stood and watched

she survived
then very shortly died
her body so broken
it was what she’d chosen

now her shadow follows me
taunting death and sanity
do I wait for it to call
or do I just fall
from the edge
a misstep
mixed with intent

do I barricade and stay away
or let persuasion have its day
does pain outweigh the deed
the need to be alone and bleed
should it rightfully succeed
will you respect my need
for I am only eight years left
from the age of her suicide death

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8 comments

  1. Holy shit – this is so powerful and well written and raw and I am so sorry.

    Thinking about this… this was really really really really really (really) real. Really. You could publish an entire book of poetry like this if you wanted. It’s horrible and I feel like you put us right in there – I feel it. But at the same time – look you have a gift. Your mom left you, but you have a gift of sharing your story and your story of survival. You survived. You are surviving.

    I am proud of you for writing this and sharing this.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you Pax πŸ™‚ I really appreciate your comments. I’m so happy the poem moved you. I love, love writing and poetry. My intention is to help people in the same situation as myself. As dark and scrappy as it can get, there is always a tomorrow and that’s where the hope lies. Because every day changes and who knows, tomorrow might be the day it changes for the better πŸ˜€ And we’re all survivors, even on our worst days, as long as we are breathing, we are all survivors πŸ˜‰ Thank you again for your lovely comments – they mean so much to me

      Like

  2. Hello Friend,
    There aren’t any words I can say to take the memories and pain away. I pray you did not witness her final hours. I am less than one year away from my father’s age of 52. He committed suicide when I was 28, I’ve had many of the dark hours wondering if I to will make it. Losing a family member to suicide is unbearable. Time heals the wounds closet to the surface, time can ‘t take the memories away. Everyone deal with pain and suicide differently. You have to take the steps forward but having someone to go thru the journey with you. A friend you trust or a therapist. I had to see my therapist because I wasn’t getting any where on my own. The aren’t words I can sat to make everything better. I can let you know you’re not alone. II hold out my hand to you, any time you need me I ‘m here. If one on one helps you start the process. Time will lessen the pain and the frequent thoughts, that doesn’t make the memories go away. I’m here for you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much! I’m most comfortable expressing myself through poetry and rhyme. It’s been more than 20 years, but not a day goes by that I don’t think of her. And with it being suicide prevention week, I thought I’d take the plunge and introduce another piece of me πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

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