Where is the justice?

I’m not going to bore you with the details. Simply put, I met with my divorce lawyer today and was encouraged to accept an offer. From them. Its a paltry amount. I’m unsure if I will be able to afford medical aid, and I know for certain that I can’t buy myself a little flat. Not even in the worst part of town.

Looks like there’s no going to trial. No justice. I’m reeling.

So what’s the point really? All that effort and growth and courage to leave abuse, only to be bullied throughout the divorce process, and at the end of the day, they win. What the fuck?

I’ve done a Justin Timberlake and ‘cried me a river’. Then as soon as I blow my nose, I cry another river.

All I keep thinking is β€œI’m mentally ill and alone with very little finance ohmygod ohmygod I’m gonna end up on the street with a shopping cart”. You know those women. Very little lies between where I am now and some nice real estate under the bridge.

Great. All of the above, and now I can’t breathe through my nose.



  1. So you accepted the offer? Sorry, I’m just now starting with your journey. But you shouldn’t have to accept less than you deserve or are owed. Especially if you left because of abuse. I’m so sorry that you are in this position. Hopefully good news will come your way soon.


    1. Thank you for being interested in my journey. To answer your questions – no, it appears it doesn’t work that way. The good guys don’t win. If I knew this was going to be the outcome 3 years ago, I would have folded my cards and given up then. Now I’ve got 3 years worth of attorney fees. I appreciate your good wishes. But there will be no good news coming my way. Its over. And they won. And now I must (eventually) pick myself up and work through my complete and utter disillusionment, betrayal and mistrust of people. Sorry, not a happy life right now


  2. Hey there’s no reason for you to be happy right now. I’m sorry that you have been battling for so long and didn’t get what you deserve. It really is unfair!! I’m sure you will pick yourself up, but the only person who can determine when you’re ready is you. Just do the best you can to be good to yourself. And throwing a pity party doesn’t hurt either. Sometimes it feels really good to just have a good pity party.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. A metric fuckton of fucks. I forget, do you have ptsd superpowers too? If so, you’re gonna ace the crisis whether you want to or not. I can spare you some if not.


      2. Ok I’m sending you the clarity that sheer terror brings, to help with getting the priorities straight and focusing on one step at a time. And some sort of bomb to toss over your shoulder at the assholes behind you.

        Maybe deploy the bipolar crash and burn superpower.

        We are phoenixes, whether we like it or not. And you are my friend now. johndoe47866 at gmail dot com if you want to mail or IM or something.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I’m sorry. I’m also a hermit. I would love to chat now but I’m so overwhelmed at work. My brain isn’t working and I’m sooo behind deadline. I thinnk I must take the rest of the week off to process all this shit. Thanks for carign. It means a lot to me


    1. Thanks Tempest Rose. I live in South Africa, and anything government is the worst of the worst. Just wish my lawyer had advised me to settle 3 years ago. It makes me wonder about the justice and transparency and ethics of the entire legal system. Thank you for your concern. It makes me feel I’m not quite as alone as I think I am


  3. Let me chip in something my dear, if only for the fact that I am also mentally challenged and recently divorced too. There was a time in my life that I remember having maybe a lone pair of shoes and barely a suitcase full of clothes or junk. I ran away to dubai and actually lived in some shark there with several others ‘like me’. What I did take away from my divorce, was my Freedom. You won’t end up under no bridge unless you give it so much thought that it becomes inevitably real. Please, breathe, breathe, breathe. Cry; cry, cry and then laugh, laugh,laugh even if there ain’t nothing funny or bright right now, it’s on its way save for this fowl weather u know πŸ™‚

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks Marie. It means a lot since you’ve been in the same situation. I honestly don’t know how to get through this. I have no more fight left in me. I have no faith in life nor hope. But I can breath. And I can cry. So I’ll start off doing those two and see where is leads me


  4. Dear Pieces, I’m an American, eating a bounty bar that I got in a chocolate store that sells British candy, in your honor and praying a bunch of “fuckity fucks” for you. I have lived on ramen noodles (do you have those there?) and water – I have basically eaten whatever the hell I could afford, which wasn’t much, with 14 cents to my name in the bank after all the necessary bills were paid… living in a run down one bedroom apartment in the scariest – one of the scariest – parts of the city because it was govt’ subsidized housing and it’s all I could afford. I worked two jobs even though it nearly killed me – to make ends meet and clawed my way out of the hole that you’re about to enter. Find people to help pull you out. Do you have friends? Family? Church friends? Even if you don’t like church and hate God – there is always someone willing to help out… well… most of the times – some people can be fucking bastards at churches… find a good one. If you feel like it – if you feel like it will help. Do you have AA where you are? They usually have food at their meetings… or at least coffee – find some friends, drink some free coffee, learn about alcoholism – whatever it takes!!!! If nothing else… keep blogging – even if all you do is post a photo of the floor – whatever. You are not alone… I repeat – you are not alone. Fuck Justin TImberlake!!! Actually… that might be nice. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Even though your story is tough, I’m glad (sorry) that you’ve been there. Because yes, some adjustments are going to have to be made and I’m pretty much certain I’m going to be where you were. I’m so fortunate to have 2 beautiful friends who have both offered me a place to stay with them. It is very comforting to know I’m not alone. What jobs did you work? I have a regular job during the week. But my problem is, with bipolar, by the end of the week, I’m so exhausted, I sleep and sleep on the weekend. I fear a second job would jeopardize my mental health – not getting enough sleep and all. Thank you for all your encouragement. I appreciate it. Now you’ll have to excuse me…. I have to go google Dolly Parton πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Hahaha Google away my friend! Forget Jesus — Find Dolly! (sorry Jesus)

        When this happened – I worked 9-5 M-F as a receptionist and then I worked 6-10 down the road at an electronics store helping people understand everything from cameras, televisions, computers, and EVEN (despite not knowing wtf) Refrigerators. I did my research and could talk about this feature and that feature and what makes this better vs. that if that’s what you want – but truly any will do (please fucking buy our stuff!) … it was exhausting – but the part-time gig they only worked me maybe like 3 days a week … sometimes four… I explained that I couldn’t work every week day and that they needed to pick alternate Saturdays and Sundays. It kind of helped that the general manager was friends and had worked with my brother. But going backwards, I’ve always had a job and am not above doing something that some people would say is “below” me if it makes my brain easier. Examples: I’ve worked at a deli, slicing meat and cheese, I worked at Subway (which makes sandwiches… not sure if they’re in Great Britain) so I would put together sandwiches, I worked at a grocery store in the checkout line, and before Napster and MP3 players, I worked at a music store that sold CDs and cassette tapes… that was one of the most fun places because I freaking love music.

        Right now I am a marketing analyst who also wears many hats as essentially the communications director, I blog, I tweet… I create artistic brochures and flyers for everything we sell to healthcare professionals. Because I’ve got hospital bills coming out of my ears – I’m thinking of getting my business license and showing up at the local farmers market and selling my artwork.

        You’re super creative, like most people with bipolar, like me… you will find a way and I’m so happy to hear you’ve got friends willing to let you crash with them while you get back on your feet. It doesn’t take long… and not being alone is pretty awesome. Best wishes!!!

        “I am strong and I can prove it. And I’ve got my dreams to see me through. It’s just a mountain, I can move it.” …. Dolly

        She’s also been known to say “If you want the rainbow, you’ve gotta put up with the rain.”

        I hope she inspires you as much as she’s inspired me since I was a little girl. She’s a badass hiding under 10 pounds of makeup and wigs.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Wow. You’re so strong. And brave. I’m a bit of a scaredy-cat who doesn’t like change πŸ˜‰ I live in South Africa, and jobs are very difficult to come by. I have an ordinary full time job which I love. I’ll just have to put my thinking cap on to make some extra dough. Thanks so much for your support and encouragement. Introducing me to Dolly has been inspiring (sorry jesus….) I’ve put some of her songs on my phone πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Hazzah! I love spreading “The Good News of Dolly” πŸ™‚ You can listen to her autobiography – read by her on Youtube… and hear how shitty her life was – even when she had money – shit happened. People were shitty – but she has a good attitude about things, and is honest and is encouraging to anyone with a gun pointed at their head because she’s been there – literally. No one knows these things because they’re too distracted by her… well…. THINGS! πŸ™‚ Enjoy her songs – the happy ones, the sad ones, the corny ones, there’s even some techno ones out there for when you’re manic. πŸ™‚ “Better Day” is another song – more recent that she wrote and recorded … and “Try” is also good … in both she speaks of hard times and clawing your way through them.

        Happy Dolly Days ahead!!! πŸ™‚


        (I don't think Jesus minds… takes some pressure off of him!!! HAHA)

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Haha, yes, maybe jesus has bigger fish to fry! Thanks for the info on Dolly. Most definitely will be listening to her story on Youtube. You’ve really helped me, Pax. Thank you πŸ™‚


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