Welcome to my Pity Party. Jump in, the water’s warm.
Right. So, I’m officially depressed. That much has been established. What’s triggered this state of chocolate-eating, serial sleeping, mindless weeping, attention deficit, quietly creeping melancholy? Isn’t it usually a man’s fault? In this case yes, it’s my soon-to-be ex-husband’s fault.
Well technically, he’s not ex-husband yet. Long story short, I left our 15 year marriage because he is an alcoholic. I filed for divorce, and instead of us splitting everything in a fair manner, he has chosen to sue me in an effort to leave me with nothing. The divorce has been ongoing for almost three years. The three day trial is booked for court 10-12 September 2014.
As time draws near I am becoming more frightened. Not nervous. I have bipolar remember, no half measures. So I am bloody frightened! I will testify. I will be cross-examined. The stability of my future rests on those three days. I don’t know how well I will hold up under those conditions. On an average day I shake blatantly, even my head wobbles! I get confused, I forget, I can’t get words out, I can’t remember words, my mouth goes so dry I’ll probably need a 2 litre water bottle with me. I am petrified.
The closer the dates draw near, the more stress fractures are beginning to show in my fortitude and in my game face. So let sleep enfold me and shield me from anxiety. Let me weep some more for my lost marriage and family. Please forgive my lack of focus because right now, my mind falls only on those 3 critical days in September, when my life will forever be changed.